Monday, July 6, 2020

The Zoom Conspiracy



Last week I considered taking a lawsuit out against Zoom.  After welcoming them so fondly into my work and home life, I am disappointed as to how they have treated me.

I have been so open to sharing my face, my thoughts, and my friends with them. Using them for writing accomplishments, inviting them to social gatherings, including a tea party and a festive Tequilla celebration. I've witnessed two murder mysteries, numerous plays, a singing contest, and hundreds of business meetings.  All of which I have declared great gratitude for.

So, why oh why would they disrespect me and become an accomplice in a weight gain which suddenly burst out (literally) for my attention a week ago? Zoom must have met up with the fridge and the sofa to devise such a plan. You ought to consider this carefully for yourself, as Zoom only requires shoulders above, thus inviting laziness from the shoulders down.

Is it a mere coincidence that Netflix and Hulu became really good at the same time, again encouraging one to sit for longer?

I am not the only person to think: if I just place my laptop here I can be seen, work and reach the fridge and remote control without moving. Let me add without moving for five or six hours. I won't eat as much, I said, while ordering luxury snack packs of everything to be delivered.

Then suddenly, we begin to go out and where do we go? TJ Maxx without dressing rooms.
I returned six items yesterday and when asked if anything was wrong, I replied; "Only my perception of reality, an adjustment is required!"

The joy of joy though, Zoom came out with its next plan of action for me, as today I caught myself eating and it was perhaps the first time I've ever seen that.

Introducing my new diet plan. It's easy, it's quick, it's forever.
1) Get your favorite snack.
2) Open up a zoom link.
3) Eat while watching - as though you aren't being watched. (Isn't that already a famous saying?)
It will change your life faster than this all happened.

Take care everyone.
Always, Jayne

PS Please remember, occasionally my posts are written tongue in a slice of cake....I mean cheek.


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