Here is my pitch to Hallmark, as I already miss the romantic Christmas movies, we need to continue its glorious theme into January.
Here are the typical scenes and what to replace them with.
1) Replace decorating the tree - with the taking down of the tree, and instead of laughing, they are getting cramp and feeling dizzy bending up and down as well as becoming aggravated and annoyed at their own emotional attachment to placing a stuffed elf into a box.
2) Replace the fun cute visit to the ice rink - with the moment they first go to a gym together and the pain and embarrassment of working out, including the sweat, the wrong clothing and the need to throw up and pass wind during the first spinning, Zumba, ballet acro class.
3) Replace the cute date buying hot chocolate and cookies - with the first juice cleanser experience (no description required.)
4) Replace the fun creative date building a gingerbread house - with buying and chopping a salad together. I'm actually yawning as I type the word salad.
5) Replace the fun shopping excursion - with returning gifts at Kohls and learning how much cheaper the cheese fondue, tea brewing crockpot was if you had bought it at JobLot.
6) Replace the dilemma over the dazzling, job opportunities - with paying off the credit card and as tax time is coming; the debate and delirious wonder of "could I do them myself this year?"
7) Replace the general feeling of optimism and romance - with the daily sluggish mood because of hunger as December encouraged the stomach to take in more without putting on weight, until the first week in January when suddenly the stomach giggles as it expands and bloats to it's fullest potential. Despite all of that and your undone zipper, you still want to eat, especially as you still have chocolate left (you know the last of the truffles that you were not that keen on but now they look like gold!)
I will get writing this tomorrow, after I have run my six miles by a lake, with a puppy and my perfect curly blonde hair.
Happy New Year everyone (I miss Christmas!!)
And if anyone thinks I need another gift I really want Hallmark Monopoly, the board game, it does exist!
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