This is a Valentine love letter for everyone who has lost a loved one.
Dearest You
Your
love for your partner who has moved into the next realm is everlasting,
eternal.
What
you shared in your time together remains and exists now in a new form.
We
hear the expression, moving on - it would turn my stomach when I heard that.
You
have to get on with your life I was told. That never inspired me, in fact it
made me angry.
That’s
like saying when a favorite movie or book ends, we just forget about it and
find a new one. No, we revisit it, learning from it, finding comfort and joy in
it. We talk about it, share the story and how it makes us feel. It continues to
inspire us, to bring a smile.
Love needs to be appreciated for all its
intricate threads.
There is no getting over, or moving on from the privilege and expression of
love.
There
is however, a change within loss. A slow move into a knowing. It is the knowing
that there is far more to this world then our skin and bones. That our souls
continue to connect, even when the physical has altered.
The
longing for the heart of your loved one will lead you, into a connection that
will support and guide you. I cannot explain it, I just feel it.
It is
how I was able to continue when I had very little interest
and energy in trying to live my life. I was 46 when my dearest David
died, he was 57. I was exhausted, empty and alone.
The
more I faced the lack of David, the further I felt from him and from myself.
The
more I tried to avoid thinking about him, the more I thought about the
difficulty of him dying.
So I
changed it. What if I thought about what we had created together?
I
focused on what I had gained from our love. The lessons I had experienced in the challenges of his illness and what I learnt from saying goodbye to
his physical being and hello to his soul.
I
allowed myself to experience the sadness, the anger and the sheer confusion
that grief brought into my heart. I accepted it and then I allowed the love.
I
welcomed in the energy of his love, mine and ours together. I asked for his help, for guidance.
This took awhile as my head was full of missing. My brain kept me stuck at times in that place. It was only with patience and care for myself that I could begin to move it back toward love.
This took awhile as my head was full of missing. My brain kept me stuck at times in that place. It was only with patience and care for myself that I could begin to move it back toward love.
You do
the same. Those that have departed know far more than we do now, so let’s
communicate and use that wisdom. Ask for guidance while keeping yourself open
to truly listen and watch for that strength. Listen for answers. Pay attention,
because I promise you, it will happen.
Slowly
I began to open, to look upward and out instead of down. I found
bravery and courage, and then I found hope.
The
extraordinary thing happened next for me, I discovered the desire of wanting to
share my heart and have now fallen in love. I fell in love with myself for the
first time ever in my life, which in itself feels like a miracle. Then completely
by amazement, fell in love with another open and searching heart who was also
ready to be bold, brave and happy. Hello Gary. A man who too had felt love and lost it. A man honest to say - here is what is good, here is what isn't and here is where I want to grow and live.
The
only way I could have begun to create a joyous life and to have the privilege
of falling in love with Gary is through the love I experience with David.
Only a
person who has not lost would think – that’s good you found a replacement.
Only a
person who has lost would understand that you never replace, you love in
addition to and because of. There is a huge, wondrous difference and through
truly understanding this, I have been able to experience the power and to
receive more and more in my life.
Life
and death has no ending, it is a continual flow. You are too full of love not
to continue to shine and be a light for others.
For everyone
who is feeling the loss and for everyone who is feeling the love on Valentine’s Day –
I ask you to honor it all and to have respect and care for everything we are.
I love
you too.
Happy Valentines Day
Always
Jayne
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