Thursday, February 14, 2019

Valentines Day 2019

This is a Valentine love letter for everyone who has lost a loved one.

Dearest You

Your love for your partner who has moved into the next realm is everlasting, eternal.
What you shared in your time together remains and exists now in a new form.
We hear the expression, moving on - it would turn my stomach when I heard that.
You have to get on with your life I was told. That never inspired me, in fact it made me angry.

That’s like saying when a favorite movie or book ends, we just forget about it and find a new one. No, we revisit it, learning from it, finding comfort and joy in it. We talk about it, share the story and how it makes us feel. It continues to inspire us, to bring a smile. 

Love needs to be appreciated for all its intricate threads.
There is no getting over, or moving on from the privilege and expression of love. 

There is however, a change within loss. A slow move into a knowing. It is the knowing that there is far more to this world then our skin and bones. That our souls continue to connect, even when the physical has altered.

The longing for the heart of your loved one will lead you, into a connection that will support and guide you. I cannot explain it, I just feel it.

It is how I was able to continue when I had very little interest and energy in trying to live my life. I was 46 when my dearest David died, he was 57. I was exhausted, empty and alone.
The more I faced the lack of David, the further I felt from him and from myself.
The more I tried to avoid thinking about him, the more I thought about the difficulty of him dying.

So I changed it. What if I thought about what we had created together?
I focused on what I had gained from our love. The lessons I had experienced in the challenges of his illness and what I learnt from saying goodbye to his physical being and hello to his soul.

I allowed myself to experience the sadness, the anger and the sheer confusion that grief brought into my heart. I accepted it and then I allowed the love.
I welcomed in the energy of his love, mine and ours together. I asked for his help, for guidance.

This took awhile as my head was full of missing. My brain kept me stuck at times in that place. It was only with patience and care for myself that I could begin to move it back toward love.

You do the same. Those that have departed know far more than we do now, so let’s communicate and use that wisdom. Ask for guidance while keeping yourself open to truly listen and watch for that strength. Listen for answers. Pay attention, because I promise you, it will happen.

Slowly I began to open, to look upward and out instead of down. I found bravery and courage, and then I found hope.

The extraordinary thing happened next for me, I discovered the desire of wanting to share my heart and have now fallen in love. I fell in love with myself for the first time ever in my life, which in itself feels like a miracle. Then completely by amazement, fell in love with another open and searching heart who was also ready to be bold, brave and happy. Hello Gary. A man who too had felt love and lost it. A man honest to say - here is what is good, here is what isn't and here is where I want to grow and live.

The only way I could have begun to create a joyous life and to have the privilege of falling in love with Gary is through the love I experience with David.

Only a person who has not lost would think – that’s good you found a replacement.
Only a person who has lost would understand that you never replace, you love in addition to and because of. There is a huge, wondrous difference and through truly understanding this, I have been able to experience the power and to receive more and more in my life.

Life and death has no ending, it is a continual flow. You are too full of love not to continue to shine and be a light for others.

For everyone who is feeling the loss and for everyone who is feeling the love on Valentine’s Day – 
I ask you to honor it all and to have respect and care for everything we are.
I love you too.
Happy Valentines Day


Monday, February 4, 2019

Gold Star for The Everyday Stuff

Today I did something I have not done in seven years.

I haven't done it for various reasons.
Doing it brought me such simple joy. I took my time. Enjoyed every moment and welcomed in the freedom and new feelings.
It made me appreciate how doing this "living life business" is extremely complicated, and how we deserve gold stars for the every day stuff.
Yes, it is amazing when we achieve the big things. I love that. It is the small daily things that need to be celebrated too. I see those as the smaller, important steps to taking the bigger leaps. The things that build our enthusiasm and confidence. Our power.
As January 1st is way behind and it seems all my thoughts on walking, writing and eating salad are hidden in the depths of my mind, I have been judging myself and not being my best friend, and I find it harder to then continue.
For example - 'writing' and I have broken up. We are on a break. Apparently it's me, not 'writing'. They are clearly seeing other people. I'm doing all the write  right things, pretending it doesn't matter, I look fantastic when I use my laptop and I have stopped re reading and re reading my rejection letters.
Perhaps though, I have given too much credit to 'writing' to prove that I am successful, when today was a very big achievement for me. It was a public and private indication that I am a beautiful, brave heart, willing and wanting to share. Wanting to love and showing up for everything that it means. AND I tell you people, sometimes, it's not easy. We can hold onto the past wishing for things to be different, or back there again, when we need to let go and look toward the very moment that is surrounding us. The only way I feel we can get to that point is by facing everything with only one person in mind: yourself. Heal yourself - not the past situation. Heal yourself first and be gentle every step of the way. That's what I did in order to arrive at this new wonderful stage of my life and I am being rewarded for that.
I am able to love again because I started with me. Time and luck has nothing to do with it. AND because I am loving me, I keep checking in with myself as guidance to create a life that pleases us both.

Today I am so happy that I was reminded of these small achievements, that were not even feasible for me a few years ago. It's a bit like when we were awarded gold stars for school tasks, they all mount up and make you feel deserving of being able to achieve more.
Sometimes it's good to award yourself a gold star for just showing up for the day, because there are days when just showing up takes everything you can muster. It's not a competition, it's your life.
Stop thinking of the everything and look at the one thing.

So, what can you celebrate that you did today?

PS: The thing I did today - was to buy a valentines card.

PPS: The card is not for 'writing.' (Though if they get jealous, that's great!)