I am fifty one years old. Ever since I could talk I have complained, joked about and quite honestly, been viciously cruel to myself about what I looked like. My first word was diet. My second was cake.
I was mocked as a child, ridiculed at school through every development of myself. I've been hurt, used, ignored and taken for granted and I've then blamed myself for most of it. (What a waste of time!)
It stops now for two good reasons.
A dear friend has complimented me more than I have ever heard in my life.
This person who has looked at me, noticed that I have blue eyes, noticed the mark on my arm, noticed that the beauty of my soul shines through and how special that just may be. Noticed how close my heart is to always tumbling into every single area of my life - and that perhaps, just perhaps, that is worth being paid attention to.
Wow what a remarkable difference this makes. That I was told, I was proud to walk into that room with you. Bing, bing, bing, there's a first!
I am typing this while my dear friend Linda rests. We have worked a little on her book, then exhaustion arrives and rest needs to take over. From my seat next to her, I can see the blue of the sky, the calm of the water outside, she cannot move her head to take any of that in. It takes me a moment to gather my thoughts. It takes me a moment not to believe that the warmth & love I feel rushing through me could heal my dearest friend, she after all saved my life, it would be the natural thing to do.
So if I can't do that, the least I can do is to learn and grow and inspire.
I refuse to waste any more time on putting myself down or not on asking & finding what I want next.
I am healthy and have the privilege of being able to move, wipe my own tears away, hear words from another heart - damn - even hear another heart beat. I cannot waste any more time in not declaring what I want to do with my life.
I want to get words out there to help heal and inspire. We have important stories to share people, stand up and share your truth.
I talk a lot about privilege and I hope this post highlights what I actually mean by that.
The lesson here is not to listen to the clatter of peoples voices who themselves do not understand.
To not be the people who do that to others. To develop your self awareness to the skill of where it says I will not accept anything but everything that will be for the better of my life and that of others I choose to love and welcome into my life.
Where did hiding ever get any of us? Where did holding onto the past, good or bad, get any of us?
Keep moving forward.
Be the difference. Be extraordinary, not settling for ordinary.
Get yourself ready - for that opportunity, where you dance in joyous circles toward it, knowing that someone saw you and Saw All Of You.
For those of us who are capable of doing that - it is our duty to do that. How fortunate are we.
This is for our Linda Pestana. An incredible light in a very dark room.
(She just woke up and said what are you doing? I said changing lives.)