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Showing posts from 2017

It's Nearly Here - Happy 2018

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Wishing everyone the very best of what they desire, need and deserve in 2018.
May the lessons of this year be worth the joy, the tears and the silence they brought.

For me it was a year I title: in sickness and in health. Through it all I loved.
Loved my family and friends as they faced difficulties, tragedy, happiness and success.
I saw courage, true grit and determination. I heard wise, wise words. I experienced comfort, sadness, loss, happiness, laughter and perfect timing.
Good byes that were said quietly, those that were not said yet felt and hellos that arrived as unexpected surprises and glorious opportunities.
Respect and disrespect. Creative inspiration and passion. Intelligence, ignorance and patience.

I hid a lot. I traveled. I laughed a lot. I wrote, blimey, did I write! I pushed through comfort zones in so many ways, and none of that I did alone. My strength and my vulnerability are because of the true friendships in my life that gave unconditional support throughout AND …

The Cell Phone

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For those of you who know me well, you are aware of my lack of confidence/desire/need/want/ambition/delight in talking on the telephone. A dear friend of mine reveled in the fact of our fourteen year friendship where only today I said sure you can call me.

I am an addicted text reader and sender. A person in awe that one receives emails via a cell phone.  You can even look at Facebook! My cell phone is my confidant, partner in love and crime, a photographer, journalist, event planner, navigator and sometimes a musical delight of connection or a silent zombie of disconnection.

There is a great sense of competition for who is having a deeper relationship with their phone. Who knows every app, icon, button, and how do you actually read text messages while talking? Who can text faster? I'm pretty good, though my admitted failing is in the lack of abbreviation skills and what on earth those little faces mean. Maybe now too, I judge myself and others on how much we look at our phones. W…

Hallmark Movie Heroine for Hire

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WHY I WILL NEVER BE A HALLMARK MOVIE HEROINE
- unless they run a competition to write an original script and I win based on my delightful humor and effervescent hope.

Here are five reasons why:

1) The Hair - I have good hair, but I do not have Hallmark hair. They manage to get a fantastic up do with falling tendrils that hang just the right way. With limited time to prepare, (unless they've had the best friend preparation time where they try on many outfits laughing until they declare "yes that's the one"; they glide in wearing a beautiful red or gold dress that fits (and wow does it fit) and the man gasps "you look beautiful."

2) The Bakery - despite every heroine being a size zero they can cook and will visit or run a bakery and or enter a cookie competition. Always. Oh, and they always drink tons of coffee, hot chocolate or tea and I mean tons of it, either in gorgeous looking mugs or take away cups.

3) The Ice Skating - they love to ice skate, or if th…

The Algebra of a Pineapple

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I have just returned from a course to study something new. Those who know me, know that I am very much a feelings person first. If your calculator is not working correctly - you know I am the person to empathize with you and throw it across the room for you, however I am not the person who will logically work out the math problem for you.

This course was all about logic, and I saw at least four times, things that reminded me of algebra at school. Interestingly enough, I had the same reaction as the twelve year old did - that of complete horror followed by the frustrated concern of why on earth do adults have to over complicate everything?
If you have a pineapple, it is a pineapple, you should not add a smaller letter underneath it and still call it a pineapple, while acknowledging that now it is a lemon.

There were great elements of this course where I sat in the lost zone. I understood the theory but not the why. I was the person in the room still saying "what?' as four more…

For Linda & Lou Pestana

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I have wanted to post since August 1st when something happened to a dear friend that tipped her life upside down.

What do you do when you receive a phone call regarding a loved one who has had a very bad accident?
Your heart tears open. You panic. You cry. Thoughts race. Fear joins in.
Then I stopped and looked, really looked.

This post is to celebrate everything that Linda is. I have had a thousand feelings and words to share about this new episode that we are facing. Here is the lesson for me.

That because of the generosity of Linda's spirit and life, her family and friends have easily, smoothly and quickly stepped up with love, practical support and prayers. I was thinking how rapidly everyone checked in with one another and what they could do. Then it hit me, it happened like that, because it was already in place. We already did that, in family things, in fun things, in business things. We did it because Linda and Lou have created a life that exists and works successfully bec…

News - I met someone!

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Many years ago I wrote a character in a play who changed her life around after meeting a magician in Spain. She was a divorced mother severely lacking in confidence (beautifully portrayed in my play by the talented Brenda Joyce). He was her catalyst to begin her next chapter. When I wrote that, I don't think I truly understood what I was writing - until now.

I met someone.

There are people you meet or situations you find yourself suddenly within, that can change your life.
These we pay great attention to. You can not avoid looking at a new job, or new home or new relationship but with a fresh focus and energy.

There are however other opportunities I believe we often miss. Incidental meetings or occurrences that are lessons and moments that provide great guidance. We just need to stop and look. Why does someone or something linger with us more than we can understand? Perhaps a movie, a song or a passage in a book that echoes within us for awhile. Haven't you at some point found…

Art of Kite Flying

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It's easy when it's easy.
The trick is not to give up. Last couple of days I felt the downward spiral beckon me to peer in.
I felt the pointless frustration of petty issues and, of course for the big issues.
Felt some disappointment. Felt that coldness when fear jeers at you rather than the warm sunshine of hope.
What on earth am I doing? What am I meant to be doing? What do I want to do?
All those questions without immediate answers.
I feel like someone cut the cord and I'm off spinning without control.

So, here is what I'm learning to do. Just stop. Don't fight it. Wait awhile.
I do everything I can to hold myself. Be safe. Read a book. Watch a movie. Breathe. Cry. Stop. Rinse and repeat. Be kind. Be gentle. Go easy. Become grounded.

Make a connection and slowly start again. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with life. Go back to gratitude and finding bright spots. Tell your mind, your heart, your soul, that it can press the snooze button. Just stop.
Accept th…

Brand New Summer Diet Fix

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I have really exciting news that I am ready to share with you. You may want to sit down to read this, as you will be excited and want to jump on board with me.

Some of you have remarked that I look and appear slightly different these days.
Well, yes, it's true. And low I'm ready to reveal my secret:
I have gone salad free.

Yes, I am on a salad free diet. It's like gluten free, but the opposite.
I can not believe this easy fix in my eating has made such a difference in my life and in such a short period of a time.

I always fill full up. I am never hungry. I am sleeping better, sometimes I can even take a successful nap in the middle of the day.
My clothing is loser, because I wear a size too large for me.
I have more energy, immediately following a serious intake of sugar.
And on top of that, I do not need exercise. I never even think about it.

I begin the day with just a simple not green fruit smoothie, well it's a chocolate milk shake but I add fruit, and caramel, and…

Bourdain - Parts Unkown

This is why they say - do not watch television at bedtime.
Anthony Bourdain.
Him and food - wow!
I was well on the way to sleeps town, feeling relaxed and kind of tired after completing paperwork and a bit of a laptop struggle. The laptop issue could place me in grumpy old lady mode, so I thought switch it off, relax and watch tv in bed.

Watching tv while in bed has always felt like a real luxury to me.
I remember as a teenager being allowed to have this tiny black and white
contraption in my room. I think the screen was about ten inches wide, actually
I think the aerial was larger than the whole thing itself. It had huge round dials
and of course no remote (they hadn't been invented yet!) I loved it and felt
so grown up as I could watch tv while crimping my hair.

Anyway, here he is, in my room, wearing a white linen shirt, jeans and that divine salt and pepper
hair. Ohhh I swoon and think too loudly "I could show you parts unknown."
AND on top of that - there's the …

Random thoughts from airport terminal

The departure of my plane is delayed due to weather. The rain is beating drums against the terminal windows while customers complain of their time being wasted.
Modern technology allows for most people to set up temporary offices and continue business with a flair and great determination. Everyone looks busy, and I wonder, are they really that busy? Or with the possibility of an audience and silent yet noisy judgements, people create emails, documents and conference calls just to set the appearance of hard work.

One man is seated in such a position that his trousers make him appear to have an erection.
One man keeps repeating over the phone " just bcc them, bcc them."
One lady has that nervous leg tapping - I can't stand that!
Another just said on a call "no we don't roll out until May 1st".  What does everyone do? They are so grown up.
I think most people here look so cool, sophisticated, intelligent.
Not many here just ate McDonalds quickly followed by an…

Absolute Beginners

A friend of mine recently used the term "Fake it till you Make it."
No!!!
No need to fake.
It is OK that we are beginning. It is healthy that we are learning. The task of beginning something new is bold enough, adding a layer that is not genuine creates a distrust in yourself, that is not required.
Believe in what you want to do.
Soak in every resource available and dig up more.
Find people to support you, I call them your tribe.
Ask for support. Ask for help. Get your cheer leaders, get your theme song.

Some things we begin, we never expected to have to do, like illness, loss, sudden challenges, that dreadful phone call. We have to dive straight in, there is no time to sit and ponder.
Yet, when we choose to do something, boy can we stop the diving and walk up that ladder so gingerly that we are just hoping to hear someone shout "Get Off".

Find your motivation, that voice that will drown out the negative. That voice that will kiss a feeling of warmth in your knowin…

Lent and Netflix

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I know I am not the only one who gratefully welcomes that the term "to binge" is now connected to television. Not just food, alcohol and powdery things like donuts.
Since the days of black and white into Wizard of Oz color, humongous size tapes into thin discs that need no turning, into - joy of joys, miracle of walking on fiber optic cables - we bring you On Demand and Netflix.
Dear creator of Netflix, I love you. I stalk you, I adore you and I believe you turn water into wine, cookies into salad and sitting into jogging.

Today is the beginning of Lent, and traditionally one agrees to giving up on some gorgeous indulgence for forty nights. So, drum roll please, it will come as little surprise to pronounce myself to be giving up my current connection to my remote control and Netflix.

To be breaking bad of my transparent private practice of the affair I have. Make no bones about it, most of my friends, property brothers, girls and even a doctor who, does not realize how often…

Show Me Who You Are

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With great intention I am learning more about who I am and even more daring than that, I am beginning to show other people.

You know how Batman hides - well is he hiding the super hero or the real person?
We all are both, and I believe it takes courage to show both.

Here is ME:
I write, I sing in my car, I laugh, I dance, I love, I eat, I read and I laze. Boy, do I enjoy a good lazing session! I love walking slowly, I love snuggling, flying on planes, people watching and feeling the sun.
I also cry, I get scared, lonely, fearful, sad. Struggle with feelings of not being enough. Being too round, not clever enough and what on earth will happen in the future? What if I do not receive an email, what if I do? My goodness sometimes my inner critical thinking can shout louder than thunder can roar.

Who are YOU?

We consist of good, pleasant, fun, dark, moody, gloomy and very bright energies.
We are all of these things. So, show up for all of these things.
Be present and be there as your very …

Valentines Hope

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With the fullest heart
With wings out stretched
Her heart blossoming
Growing, giggling, longing
Only in the quiet could truth be heard
Only in the eyes, truth is seen.
From her single place at the table
A desire to be held, to rest together
One day she would have more.
For now, a hope.
Be still awhile
And glance at all around you
If there is plenty - rejoice
If there is space - reach.
Simply and joyfully be in love
Quietly and noisily be in love
My feathered arms embrace
All is at peace
All is with love.



Dear Google, Is this goodbye?

For a month now I have been warned that my domain registration cannot be renewed, because I have a new payment card.
For a month now I have been trying to figure out how to re new my information. I cannot get into my own account. How is that possible? (I am refraining from making Russian jokes here.)

In short I can't figure it out. I have read all the help topics, not that I can understand what they are really saying. I try with great patience, or in a sulky mood with a lack of patience, or with a large cup of tea, or glass of wine or a determined hour to finally solve it.
I can't!
Its not you - dear google, it's clearly me - but wow I wish you could help me.
Not even a simple help line?
When you're done, you're really done!

And I guess, my true message here - is - the computer age is fantastic, but could streamlining it be a good idea? Just to make users, who were not born with a computer chip as a play toy, feel they can embrace it and not give up? Through life e…

Birthday Love and Honor

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I find myself being a pretty strong editor these days about sharing my honest feelings and it is sometimes difficult to talk about my David, without me imagining that people are judging me for being a widow. Please understand, that it isn't sadness that talks about David, it is love.

And so.....

Happy Birthday David.

I know that you would tell us all today - to get on with living. To do everything that you wanted and to be everything we want. Because that's what you always wanted to do and could not because of a horrible illness. It was all simply terrifying, and you my brave one, faced it all, until it simply suffocated you.

This surely is the lesson for us to learn - that life can be far too short. Time together is a blessing and never to be taken for granted. If you have something to do, go do it, someone to be, go be it and something to share - go share it.

You taught me how to love and how to give. And though there are times, when hiding for me feels easier, I will carry …