And then.......

I wrote this morning about wanting to face the world again and live. Despite my fear, my pain, my lazy hideaway, experience, age, swollen ankles - whatever, all the things that make me want to hide.
It is so easy to speak the brave words when you are in a positive mood.
The challenge is when things do not work out in your favor. How do you keep going then?

For awhile I have been battling to get out from my gloomy rock. I made a very bold decision and booked a long weekend away to one of my favorite places. My dear, glorious AZ. I need a break. To breath. I love it there.
Anyway of course the storm hits and today, twenty hours before my flight, everything is cancelled.

The little girl, the widow, the bitter brat all come out to play and I literally sit and cry.
I am completely fed up with it all being so difficult. AND of course I know this is nothing compared to what someone else faced today. It is nothing compared to what I myself have faced - yet I still gotta say - can we just make things a little easier?

So there it is, my public stomp of the foot as I say "its not fair!" I am trying to face you. Can I get a break?


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Better Days to Follow

Image
I stood for a moment this morning and literally felt all energy and determined action spinning around me. Life moves so quickly and the most effective way to manage it is to stop and pause. Do nothing for a moment. Dare I say, allow some magic to do it's best within that moment. And by magic I mean your faith, your true power.
I swear there are things in action that we have no control over and that they are there to help us.

This post is for those who are going through grief and great change in some measure. Of a job, a loved one, an animal, a home. Whatever the loss, it has its whirlwind energy that can destruct and then, if allowed, it will redesign and build.

I did not believe someone when they told me three years ago that I would feel differently, and yet here I am, six years into my own grief and I do, feel differently.
For all the hard work and focus I brought to my situation, something empowered me late last year to embrace something new. For all the positive affirmations I…
Read more

My Lecture on Moving Forward

Image
I am fifty one years old. Ever since I could talk I have complained, joked about and quite honestly, been viciously cruel to myself about what I looked like. My first word was diet. My second was cake.
I was mocked as a child, ridiculed at school through every development of myself. I've been hurt, used, ignored and taken for granted and I've then blamed myself for most of it. (What a waste of time!)

It stops now for two good reasons.

FIRST
A dear friend has complimented me more than I have ever heard in my life.
This person who has looked at me, noticed that I have blue eyes, noticed the mark on my arm, noticed that the beauty of my soul shines through and how special that just may be. Noticed how close my heart is to always tumbling into every single area of my life - and that perhaps, just perhaps, that is worth being paid attention to.
Wow what a remarkable difference this makes. That I was told, I was proud to walk into that room with you. Bing, bing, bing, there's a …
Read more

Making Room for Narnia

Image
Tidying up my wardrobe this week, which included my Joan Crawford impression with the determined declaration of "No wire hangers!" I wondered when I ever thought bold stripes looked good on me and why so much orange? Be honest, dear friends, when have you seen me wearing orange?
Two large bags for the donation center later, I find myself within a pile of black tights and socks.
Take yourself back to the movie "Close Encounters of the Third Kind". Remember Richard Dreyfuss with his mountain of mashed potato? Well I have that, but with a tangle of socks and tights. So many and yes it is the cliche that none of them match. And yes I think - what does it matter, black is black and no one will notice. Until I remember the number of times I have been behind people at the security airport line and noticed how their socks do not match. No judgment, just observation and the secret, quiet joy that I'm perfect as my socks match, or do not have holes. Perhaps I will get a …
Read more