Showing posts from June 2, 2013

Swinging Back & Forth

Last couple of days have been tough. Full of churning memories from last year. I have felt sick with sadness and the anger I so like to deny. Remembering the hospital corridors, the deceiving beauty of the outside, that elevator, the wait by the locked door.

David and I both individually and as a couple loved being outside. As soon as snow had melted we would be packing the deckchairs ready for the beach. Nobody could tan like David, and he used to say: "Well I gotta be good at something."

It is literally ripping my heart at the seams to think that the last two months of his life were spent inside. I hate this. I keep telling myself that there is no point in going over last year, yet how do I let go of this pain?

Trying to be busy, yes, I am doing that. Tons of work, an innate ability to go places alone, great, yep, I'm doing that, Advil PM, Bowie playing loud in the car with all the windows down, yep, got it covered, and yet, I cannot reach peace or even a second where …