Showing posts from March 17, 2013

Eight Months of Widow Time

At eight months without David -

I watch couples holding hands with anticipation on their faces while they wait for whatever is next.
I smile for them. I love that expression. I enjoy beginnings. I adore Spring.

My body keeps holding itself tight, keeping everything in place and perhaps protected. I ache all the time and occasionally wonder if I will truly relax again.

I am often asked if I am over it yet. That is such a crap question. Are you over being ten years of age? Are you over the first time you drove a car? Are you over the first time you got really drunk and woke up next to a stranger? All of these things make a life. The good the bad and the ugly is a true story. It all makes you who you are.

I know I am growing. I know the moments I enjoy more than the times that suffocate. There are things I am holding onto and so much that I am releasing. My awareness of when fear gets in my way, needs to change to action. Its OK knowing this stuff, its what you do with it that counts.