Friday, March 1, 2013


While David had Alzheimer's, we would experience many changes throughout the day.
Happiness, fear, laughter, anger, wonder. Sheer terror at times. The comfort of the sand as it turned upside down to cold suspicion. Man, did he and I fight together to remain healthy. We clung to that cliff.  I can only accept his death in knowing that his sweetest nature is now peaceful.

It is incredible that the illness convinces the mind to see so many options in one single thing.
The possibilities were huge.

I am amazed that today I sit here feeling complete. As though this quilt has sewn it's final square. I now have the ability of seeing it as a whole and choosing which squares benefit and fulfill me. The ones that I treasure and value. The ones that have taught through sadness, sometimes pain and those that are so wonderful they light me up with their large, hopeful and bright stitches. This is my time where I get to choose.

This week I have been with people who actually like me. I am the same person that I was last year and the year before that. Yet these people like me. There is no judgement, no question, in fact quite the opposite. Last week I received flowers. I received invitations. This week I was sent such a great card, that upon opening it my face were a Hallmark advertisement.
Last Sunday I walked nervously into a celebration and was greeted by the best genuine hugs and words of care and love. It literally took my breathe away.
So much better than "get me a coffee" and "you cleaned the house then" which were two comments I received during Shiva at my home. 

This week a dear friend asked advice and acted upon it, while on another day she handed me a glass of wine and simply said "sit down and drink that." A group of strangers at a radio station sent me positive wishes on Wednesday evening while I sat outside a closed Ice Cream store in the rain with a blown out tire. (If I were a country singer I would perform that!)

My point is, I always had that choice, I just couldn't see it. Other peoples views, the wrong people, were projected far too often in my path. In our stress that light at the end of the tunnel is sometimes far too bright. It gets better as you take control of your own glasses. Find your own place to view the sights. With others or alone - as long as it's you.

Wow, do I appreciate being able to recognize that today, Friday, on the first of a brand new month. The possibilities are huge.

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