Thursday, December 20, 2012

My David at Five Months

Dear David,

I am unsure of what to type today, with it being five months ago that you passed away at 4pm on July 20th.
They say everywhere that a widow/widower should not make any major changes for one year. Well they got that right, though who has the luxury of a year? Sadly there is a large part of me that feels as though my care giving job has been completed. The contract is over and I must move on out and away. I hate that. Some say: "Well, you did take care of him." No, I loved him. There is a big difference.
That type of love certainly belongs to our ten years. I imagine you laugh when I say, well I'm not doing that again, and I know you know I mean it.

I am aware of the bitterness and hurt. I am aware of when I feel the me you liked and how much I like that too. I notice how all I want is champagne and warmth, and how I can tell when it's cheap crap and a blanket with holes.
Or when I receive a message, as I did this morning, from such a friend who took a moment to care and think, can she really do this? Thank you Sandy x

No matter what is taken from me David, I have the real stuff we shared and that's what a true relationship is about. That's what a true life is about.

Our love continues as it begun, on a wonder of just simply being. I liked that and OK, I will focus on that. Promise.
Always with love
Jaynneee Girl xxx

Sunday, December 16, 2012

December 16 2012

When life doesn't make sense, all you can do is breath and look closely to those you care about.

My thoughts of strength and dignity flood to Sandy Hook in CT.

I watched the story unfold with shock and fear, and simply cannot imagine facing anything like this.
As a father of a young, young victim said - "let this not define us."
How does one find such courage and wisdom?

For my dearest friends with children and grand children I send love.
For my own Godson, Step Children and future granddaughter - I wish you to always be close to goodness and kindness.

Let's do what we can to learn and grow.