Monday, May 21, 2012

Another Alzheimer Day

Returned home from a "Watch the Sunset" drive at 8:30pm.
House became quiet by 9:30pm. I start the laptop (well my neighbors because mine is broken) and say to myself;  just get that final project done in an hour and go to bed.
It is now 11:33pm and I have re-joined Facebook, drank tea, had breakfast cereal, emailed, cried about my Uncle who died this Saturday, watched a piece of video from a dear friend who ordains weddings, internet researched on non work related stuff and watched Clay Aiken's powder foundation crack just slightly when he lost The Apprentice on television tonight.

Guess, I'm distracted. You know all that talk I have been blabbering on about? All the brave stuff about Alzheimer's? Well, we moved into another zone this week end and I am stunned at how difficult this is. I don't think I will share the activities, yet somehow, I just find myself needing to write something here. In fact I wonder if something else is going on medically and tomorrow I will see what I can make happen for tests. Or is that me denying again what is simply the journey?

Today was the first time that all I could see was the disease and my husband was gone. He was scared, angry, frustrated, basically all the words you find under Anxious in the thesaurus.

The illness corrupts the brain. David gets keen to see his son and the happy anticipation alters to suspicion within a minute. Now since time does not exist in his brain, the emotion continues to be brand new, yet building with further commotion.  If you've ever been five foot and in the midst of a rush hour crowd, waiting for a late subway train; then you know how I imagine my Davids brain to be. AND, there are times he is aware of this. Just think about that.
There is no way I would have the strength to cope. I feel myself sinking just being by his side.

What a cruel rotten and rotting disease.