I am unsure of what to type today, with it being five months ago that you passed away at 4pm on July 20th.
They say everywhere that a widow/widower should not make any major changes for one year. Well they got that right, though who has the luxury of a year? Sadly there is a large part of me that feels as though my care giving job has been completed. The contract is over and I must move on out and away. I hate that. Some say: "Well, you did take care of him." No, I loved him. There is a big difference.
That type of love certainly belongs to our ten years. I imagine you laugh when I say, well I'm not doing that again, and I know you know I mean it.
I am aware of the bitterness and hurt. I am aware of when I feel the me you liked and how much I like that too. I notice how all I want is champagne and warmth, and how I can tell when it's cheap crap and a blanket with holes.
Or when I receive a message, as I did this morning, from such a friend who took a moment to care and think, can she really do this? Thank you Sandy x
No matter what is taken from me David, I have the real stuff we shared and that's what a true relationship is about. That's what a true life is about.
Always with love
Jaynneee Girl xxx
Jayne,
ReplyDeleteI think of you and David every day. This writing feels very courageos to me and I hope it is cathartic for you.
No doubt holidays will be brutal this year, but know that you are both in many peoples thoughts.
Love, MImi