My David at Five Months

Dear David,

I am unsure of what to type today, with it being five months ago that you passed away at 4pm on July 20th.
They say everywhere that a widow/widower should not make any major changes for one year. Well they got that right, though who has the luxury of a year? Sadly there is a large part of me that feels as though my care giving job has been completed. The contract is over and I must move on out and away. I hate that. Some say: "Well, you did take care of him." No, I loved him. There is a big difference.
That type of love certainly belongs to our ten years. I imagine you laugh when I say, well I'm not doing that again, and I know you know I mean it.

I am aware of the bitterness and hurt. I am aware of when I feel the me you liked and how much I like that too. I notice how all I want is champagne and warmth, and how I can tell when it's cheap crap and a blanket with holes.
Or when I receive a message, as I did this morning, from such a friend who took a moment to care and think, can she really do this? Thank you Sandy x

No matter what is taken from me David, I have the real stuff we shared and that's what a true relationship is about. That's what a true life is about.

Our love continues as it begun, on a wonder of just simply being. I liked that and OK, I will focus on that. Promise.
Always with love
Jaynneee Girl xxx

Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 20, 2012 at 11:29 AM

    Jayne,
    I think of you and David every day. This writing feels very courageos to me and I hope it is cathartic for you.
    No doubt holidays will be brutal this year, but know that you are both in many peoples thoughts.
    Love, MImi

    ReplyDelete

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