Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Loving yourself & Nora Ephron

I tweeted the other day about the number one need to love yourself.

Most people, including myself, take this advise lightly. Yes of course it would help, how can you possibly do it though? Doesn't that make you conceited? We all know those people who need mirrors attached to their hands to continue their admiration.
Doesn't loving yourself lead to spending money at retreats named ahhh? Purchasing angel cards, purple scarves and bong circles?

I know for sure what happens when you don't.

You believe the bad press that is given to you. You quickly expect it and reward it on a daily basis. You give it to yourself willingly. You promote it by writing and paying for the billboard above your head. The inner critic that we all have, feeds on it and grows inside to such a size that you have nothing left, just a choir of negative voices.
You're selfish, fat, boring, angry, lazy, useless, pointless, disorganized, a dreamer, a loser, gullible, too nice, too friendly, too cold, too distant. Need I go on? The inner crtic screams, Yes, Im loving this! Feed me.
Oh and that voice loves hearing about being a victim. That's another layer of hate aimed toward your soul. When I would tell someone what was hurting, I would shout at myself for being a victim. There's a big difference when you are looking at what causes harm and how you prevent that from occurring again. Searching for growth is not being a victim. If you don't care, you get stuck in silencing your innate wisdom and you cannot even recognize what is not comfortable for you.

We have to take a stand against (and toward) ourselves first to stop this destructive cycle. It needs to be a class taught at schools. It needs to be something you do right now at any age and on any day.
Not loving yourself results in mistakes that you accept. You won't even see them as mistakes in the end. What's worse, is that you will accept disrespect, because you'll believe you deserve it.

It prevents you moving forward and from being honest. It will have you questioning absolutely everything and everyone. The question what do you think - will never matter to you, because you'll have no concept of the answer and quickly your opinion will never be sought. Even when, it should be the only one to really count.

At 45 point 5, I finally, yesterday, came to understand that the famous saying is true; you can not love someone else without loving yourself first. As President of the Anti Jayne Fan Club, I felt that you could love more if you felt nothing for yourself. I'm wrong. That doesn't mean that I havn't loved. It means I believe I would/could have handled my life differently. I used to have just one major regret and now I have two - and both because of my lack of care for myself.

So, stop and think on this. It is not 'lah lah land', a hippy phase or a reason to throw a party. If you want that purple scarf as a reminder, you should get it.
Loving yourself is a requirement - like wearing a seat belt when you drive. Like taking medicine when you're sick.

Ironically, Nora Ephron died last night and she was on my "I want to be her" list. Not only for her writing talent; she represented a confidence and a wisdom I am in awe of.

I finally understand.

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” - Nora Ephron

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