Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Quick thought from the devil

On Saturday May 12, David and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary.
We gently held hands and telling him I loved him I gave him a wedding ring and he gave me a wedding ring. Ten years and no wedding rings - it was time to make it official!

Of course this is what was meant to happen. We never even made it to the Inn that Shannon had organized including champagne, strawberries and a gorgeous cake.
We had left the house at 9:45am and though I kept expectations low, I couldn't help feel quietly excited. I had even managed to pack a suitcase in the car without being seen.
We stopped at the first panic and I explained everything I had planned and why. We stopped at the second panic and I did the same. By the time the third panic arrived, I had missed a turning and just knew it was time to press HOME on the GPS.
We were indeed home by 12:30, I was declared the devil and we sat in the garden while David slept and I pretended to be content.

The wedding rings are still upstairs, I may return them, I don't know. I know the days of planning surprises are to be no more, and that's OK. You cant blame me for trying. Just because you change your title to care giver, you don't actually pack away the hope for romance. I have a very private agenda of trying to make up for time with David, trying to sweep away errors where for once I feel that I am the first person he wants to introduce. (Sorry that is self indulgent and cryptic, I just need to say it.)

I'm still a wife, a woman, a daughter, a sister - it doesn't go away.

Care giving (perhaps even life)  is like the weather. Beautiful, rainy, sunny, cold, warm and then there are the just so days and then there are the stormy days. I tell you now, you will never have the correct umbrella or the perfect tan. The more time you waste in trying to get those, is simply the more time you waste.

Just do something today without planning and without delay. Let me know how it goes. I am not being melodramatic when I say that I need to know that things still work out.

Thanks.


1 comment:

  1. So sorry Jayne. I too feel such a lose over all the emotional stuff.No romance in my world either. It has been lacking for 20 years.

    Sheri

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