Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Laptop Lid Slamming

When you have a form of Turrets that only surfaces when you are working, you may want to consider that your job is causing stress. I feel guilty to talk about work stress when people need jobs. So please forgive my self indulgent self.

Yesterday and today I have been hunched over the laptop. Every five minutes I become highly religious and throw my hands in the air calling out to - please insert whatever higher power works for you and add a few choice words that your grandparents did not know existed.

Occasionally, I will scream "That's it!" and walk away, imagining that the laptop follows me in a sulky fashion, begging for another opportunity.

I have noticed that my shoulders are attached to my ears, my mouth has swallowed my neck and my gums are clenched, let alone my teeth. My face is so scrunched with lines, that I receive calls from Botox specialists.

I know it is time to hang up my hang ups about working. I know I am off course. Even Max The Cat no longer jumps when I scream out. My "hello how may I help you" sounds like "What on earth do you think you can get from me?" It's time to send my final table plan and confirmation.

Yesterday, I was so frustrated with a table rotation that I slammed the laptop lid down while typing mid sentence. Guess what got trapped? And I am not kidding!
A beauty roll of my stomach got caught in the ceremonial lid slamming. Yes, a roll of beauty fat! (Instead of beauty spots, I have beauty rolls; these are rare, delicious and what can I say, I'm a big beauty!)
Anyway, the fact that part of my stomach got caught proves how closely hunched I was over the keyboard.
It hurt, and today I have a purple circle, almost like a branding on a cow.

So I open up the airwaves - I want to hear about your weirdest bruise received, as this is certainly mine.

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