Monday, April 23, 2012

Giving

On Saturday I asked David if there was anything he wanted to do. He replied that he wanted to give something away. He had already been up since 4am sorting out his clothing into piles of keep and give away. It had taken him two hours, a lot of noise and my approval through sleepy eyes to say yeah or nay. He was only sorting out two drawers and was caught in a loop of holding up the same items from both piles.
So on the theme of charitable donations, I suggested The Women's Center, a great local charity. http://www.thewomenscentersc.com
We checked their list of wanted new items and went out to purchase some of them and then delivered them in person.  I had written a note about how this donation had occurred and in the spirit of which it was given.

Before we left to shop, I had checked Twitter which causes David some concern. So I explained it (again) then asked him for his thought of the day that I would post. He said "To live is to love your love."
So when you truly are in love with the things and or people you love - that is when you know you are living.
I went crazy happy over that saying. How often do we pretend to love something? How often do we begin something we imagine we will love and spend endless time convincing ourselves that we should love it, knowing we do not.

Through all this inspiration and giving, I expected something wonderful to happen. I wanted David to enjoy what he was doing. I wanted him to remember. He didn't. By the time we arrived at the charity he was tired and disinterested. The fear he has of speaking to strangers probably played a role too and he wouldn't even come to the door of the charity.

Does it take away from the donation? Absolutely not. Those items are given to women who have been told they mean nothing. Here is a man saying, you matter. You deserve something.

The action still exists even though David had lost the memory. That was the bigger lesson for me. All we have are pockets of time and we can use those as we wish. The result of an action is not within our control. I kept picturing the outcome, David smiling, me suddenly six foot and size four, smiling on the charity steps. That's not the point, is it. It's just to do what you feel is right, then let it go and embrace your next moment.
To live is to love your love.

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