Sunday, February 26, 2012

Script Reading

 In honor of The Oscars. Here's an excerpt from Lulu Diamonds called The  Script Reading.

 We were taken into a large boardroom, which was pretty sparse apart from a fantastic oak table and chairs. As we entered, the last to arrive I noticed, I took the opportunity to quickly scan the room to spot the famous faces. Could that be? No, oh look that's the actress who, oh wait that's a man! Is that...oh no it's not. No, I didn't recognize anyone.
"Adam Adam!" There were hugs with mid air kisses. A tall woman wearing yellow, introduced herself as Miriam. She had huge hair, almost orange, that sprang from her head in every direction. She looked like she was dressed for the role of The Sun in a local school pageant.
"It's so good to see you Adam." Her deep, slow voice made me wonder if she were a drag queen. "You look greatly bodacious."
"Wow there's a word" I said, regretting that my comment came out so loudly.
"He is, dear girl, a star, etc etc." I must stress to you that the Miriam woman/man actually said etc etc. In fact she/he said it a lot, while sucking their teeth. Everyone sat down, apart from me as I realized there was no chair.
"This is Lulu my personal assistant" Adam said.
"You can wait outside Lolly," Miriam barked, making me jump.
"Her name is Lulu, and I want her here with me."
"Oh no that's OK." I whispered feeling awkward like a new girl in class.
"Geraldine, get Lolly a chair." Geraldine was a tiny thing who bounced out of what appeared to be Miriam's hand bag. You couldn't tell where her hair stopped and her woolen dress began. She was skinny, short and moved with great speed, kind of like a chihuahua.
"I don't mind," she mumbled quickly, disappearing and reappearing with a large metal and black contraption. With a violent shrug it unfolded into a deckchair and she pushed it at me. I sat down, sinking two inches below the table and everyone else.
"Team," Miriam began. "I have been working on this project for five years and today is the transcendent day. I feel like Faraday must have, upon that initial spark." What the hell did that mean I thought?
"This is more than a screenplay. This is the honest truth wrapped up in clear glass with the perfect apple. This is the Mona Lisa smile, etc etc. The first brick in The Great Wall of China and the final piece of sand on a Bali beach. Yes, is there one?" She sighed, as did the room. "Exactly, etc etc."
I looked up at Adam. His face glazed not understanding a word she was saying.
"I warn you now, you will question your heart after reading this script." I shuddered beginning to imagine Adam and me walking the red carpet. I would diet, get fit, look marvelous. Perhaps, even Miriam bodacious, if that were a good word to be.
 "Please before we open at glorious page one, may we have a silent moment." She bowed her head and then whipped it back up. "As most of you know, last year I lost religion, so I would prefer if nobody prayed." The head swung back down.

During the silent non religious moment, I tried to pull my copy of this wondrous script from the bottom of my bag. I regretted not reading it last night, opting instead to spend precious time painting my nails black. Sweet wrappers, loose coins and a large emergency necklace noisily got in the way. There was also half a bag of popcorn I had saved from the cinema for the reading. I dragged it out to show Adam.
"Stop the racket" he clearly mouthed. Feeling embarrassed, I dropped the bag on the floor, and appreciated the fact that I could almost hide underneath the table.

"And so we begin!" Miriam said shaking out her arms. "The title of our movie is: "Archibald The Puffin and his Christmas Wish."

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