Saturday, November 26, 2011

London Shopping

Christmas shopping is well & truly under way in London. Their halls are decked and Father Christmas
is already yawning. I have loved wandering around and here are ten things that are different in London compared to Massachusetts:

1) Marks and Spencers - a store where you can buy a great pair socks, a great pair of trousers and a great stuffed chicken
2) Cherry Bakewells
3) Digestive Biscuits - chocolate coated cookies
4) Celebrity, get me out of the Jungle  - funny TV show where celebrities are forced to face spiders, snakes and things that make cockroaches look pretty
5) Bluewater & Lakeside Shopping Centers - funnily enough I still can't find anything to wear, apart from a pair of boots that suggest I could be part of a pantomime horse
6) A Burning Bush is not biblical
7) Driving on the LEFT!
8) EastEnders - tv soap opera where lips are pinched and people scream "wotcha ya doin?"
9) Emmerdale - tv soap opera where the main family are The Dingles
10) Really good Bangers & Mash

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Blazers

On December 24th a small child maybe seen peering from a window, face angled toward the sky.
Waiting. Excited and knowing.
Their expression matches mine, every single time I walk into a clothing store. Every single time! What's wrong with me?
On this trip I wanted a blazer. A blazer! Remember them? Why don't we have women's blazers anymore? Who stole them? The school uniform thief?

Yes, there are coats and jackets. Plenty of jackets that stop at your waist. If like me, you have a love seat as a backside, one cant do anything that stops at the waist.

All I want in life is to wear a pair of jeans, a shirt and a jacket. A jacket that covers! AND, lets not talk about jeans. Jeans that fit my legs, leave Grand Canyon gaps around the waist. The store called The Gap was created by me. Jeans that fit at the waist, well, they cant even get there for all the Body Mass Index that are known as my thighs. Belts are pointless by the way and the trend of boys pants hanging at the hips was created by me.
Once upon a time I bought a pair of expensive jeans, that fit great on the legs and waist. Every time I sit down the zipper opens. I sit there like a personal ATM machine.

So, I wear a big sweater to cover everything up and Yeti monsters are asking for my number. Hence my sudden desire for a blazer.

I eventually leave the store with a pair of earrings, I have great ears.
You watch, female blazers will be back in fashion next year. I asked for them on my letter to Santa.