Friday, August 12, 2011

Gaslight - the remake

In the movie, Gaslight, Ingrid Bergman is driven slowly mad by her cruel husband, who tries to convince her that she is doing things when she is not. The only thing that remains in place is the bun in her hair.

I wonder if I am in the modern version? Where a group of people decide to destruct me, comically, bit by bit.
This week I have been feeling as though I want to pull my skin off. Literally, tear my own skin from my bones with the utter frustration, fear and sadness that follows me around.

For a time, I thought magical living was possible. That we controlled our own lives through our thinking and the thoughts we sent into the universe. Boy was I wrong. That was pure luck and the only year I was obviously allowed to have it.

Now whenever I call out for support, I know to expect the very thing that arrives will slam me down.
I just got told I did not have a conversation, when I know very well that I did have the conversation only an hour ago. And my dear readers (ha readers!!) that's not even from the beloved person with Alzheimer's!

Here's a tip: When you are faced with a person who looks great like Ingrid Bergman - then by all means have a go. When however, you are faced with someone who is dangling from a cliff looking like they have not slept in 48 hours, because they have not slept in 48 hours, how about smiling at them and offering a hand?

OK folks, I give in - you have me beaten! Can we rest now?

And now for Jen because she likes them - here is a list of things I have been in my previous lives:
1) Egg
2) Doormat
3) Failed Boxer
4) Tambourine
5) Nail
6) Door knocker
7) Tennis Ball
8) Fly Swatter
9) Car Brake Pedal on a driving instructor car
10) Donkey Pinata







Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Kindle - our generations

As Charlie Kindel prepares to leave Microsoft for new adventures. Your very own Jayne now comes complete with her very own Kindle.

For the older generation readers (ha! readers!!) Or should I type for THE OLDER GENERATION
a Kindle is the new electronic book.
I personally devour books, my favorite places include book shops. The weight of a book, the smell of the pages. So I never imagined I would like the Kindle as much as I do and I love it.
Its pretty different when purchasing a book - as I tend to choose and judge a book by its cover.
Plus I like to flip to a page to see if I understand a sentence or two. You can still do those things, just electronically.

Into my first book I found myself stupidly thinking "wow its exactly the same as reading a book."
Kind of like when I first used a computer instead of a typewriter. Younger readers (ha readers!!!) Or should I type for The Younger Generation can look that word up in their history section on Kindle/Nook/Facebook/IPad/Kneepad/Mac point two triple zero.

Yesterday I downloaded a free crossword game onto my Kindle and became addicted. I could not believe tonight when the long much sought after word was SUCKER. I kept looking around to see who was watching. How delightful I thought to be electronically told that I am a sucker!

For my own enjoyment here are a couple of inventions I have witnessed from their beginnings and now use on a daily basis.
Microwave - Mum burnt everything as she could not believe that four minutes would truly cook anything.
Color TV - from black & white, I remember the color test card that would come on after 11pm when TV  was not a 24 hours transmission
Video Tape - now that seemed like a miracle, especially when you carefully removed the video without all the ribbon getting caught inside. For some reason we always blew inside the machine, kind of like a magic trick, in the hope that all would work well and a white rabbit would appear.
Cameras - where you didn't have to send off the tubes of film anymore and wait two weeks before you got them back. Mum & Dad used to take two photos of every shot - just in case one didn't come out!!
CDs - which side were you meant to play first?
DVDs - again which side is the movie on?
Tennis Atari to Lara Croft in Tomb Raider - my brother was addicted to Lara jumping into the pool in the cave.
And just because I am rambling here are modern things I can not trust:

Roladex to Computer Database - how do you know the info is current? On a Roladex card you can see all your crossing out of numbers and you know the latest scribble is correct.
Electric Blankets - that's a sad ending just waiting to happen. What if you spill your water or cough and dribble?
Coffee machines at home - no cup tastes the same twice.
Coffee machines at a hotel - where has that water been that you didn't put in there?
Bloody 'glades plug ins' compared to candles - you're sticking perfume into a socket and looking for a smell.
Hairdryers - I am frightened of my own hairdryer, yes.
Invisible fences for animals - what if you've cuddled the dog all day and leave the house drunk on all fours?
Electric Toothbrushes - oh my goodness, anything buzzing is not coming near me!
And yes, I think I will leave it there on purpose as that's another thing that I am not convinced beats the original!


























Monday, August 8, 2011

Ten Reasons Why #5

Ten Reasons why you should suspect your partner is cheating on you with food:

1) they find reasons why they are the only one to clean the kitchen at nighttime and yet the kitchen is never clean
2) the Chinese Take Away is speed dial #1 on their cell phone
3) you find chocolate smudges on their clothing
4) they have started to wear elasticated waists
5) they say they hardly eat anything and yet they're not skinny
6) the only time they take out trash is when they are throwing out bags from their home office
7) sometimes the car just smells of McDonalds
8) the chocolate cake in the fridge gets smaller bit by bit
9) the Dunkin Donuts staff pass coffee without asking what the order is
10) their email is full of bonus points from Panera bread and other shady venues where people slip a five dollar bill into a tasty pastry

You know I'm right!