Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Ten Reasons Why #2

Ten reasons why:   I know I cannot live in a really hot climate

1) me wearing sunglasses resembles a little kid with her first pair of glasses. no matter which pair I buy, they just look stupid. Audrey Hepburn, Jackie O and Doris the Explorer
2) shorts! what is wrong with people! why do men get long & baggy, while women either get sexy, tight or the elasticated waist get Grandpa excited look
3) thong bleedin sandals hurt me. I don't want my toes being segregated
4) once we hit the eighties my thighs stick together
5) once we hit the nineties my thighs down to my knees stick together. I currently look like a walrus
6) drying my hair with a hairdryer is pure torture in hot weather
7) when I stop moving, I am like a car whose water from the air conditioner trickles, in that a pool of sweat trails behind me (yep really attractive).
8) I am so full of water my stomach slooshes
9) tan lines on my double chin (yep really attractive)
10) sitting on the beach I constantly smell bacon and get nervous that I'm frying myself

Monday, July 11, 2011

Ten Reasons Why # 1

Here are ten reasons why:     In a previous life I was a dog.

1) love bacon -  I laugh every time that commercial for beggin bacon comes on with the dog who says "I'd get it myself but I got no thumbs! I love you I love bacon I love you I love bacon"
2)  totally adore driving with my windows open, I would stick my head out if I could
3)  despite being on two feet, I am still close to the ground
4)  do my own version of chasing my tail - that's a regular day for me
5) as a kid I cried all the time when Lassie was on - must be jealous that some other bitch got my movie role
6)  get so excited when going to the beach
7)  love food, cuddles and sleeping
8) get scared now when I hear Sarah McLuhan singing. I used to love "In the Arms of the Angel" - now
I just think of that unwanted pet commercial and get sad. It must be a huge decision for an artist to agree for their music to be on a commercial.
9) want to eat anything I find on the floor
10) bathroom visits involve alot of fuss, howling, waiting, deciding and dithering