Monday, March 28, 2011

A Water Cooler Conversation

I truly cannot share with you the conversation I enjoyed today in the office.

No, truly I should not.
It was an education into something that has an interesting name, which actually means nothing like it suggests. OR, it may actually mean what it suggests, just in an unusual, embarrassing, appalling, funny, alluring, exciting, revolting, stimulating or disgusting manner depending on your preference.

I had never heard of it before.  I am frightened to even look the name up on a computer for fear of the CIA knocking on my door or a brigade of scary pop ups jumping from my screen. They might be in 3D too!
No, I still cannot share with you this name!

It was so refreshing to me, that I was the only one not to know. Especially as there was a time, years, years ago when walks of shame were expected and I did indeed play my part in that specialized activity. 

I thought I knew everything, even though I had not done everything.  If you get my meaning!
Yes, I am talking about the old knickers in your pocket act. Creeping out before "The Guy" (because now you cannot remember his name) stops snoring and turns over to reveal his face and you scream "Dear Lord, I did that?!!"

Please know our office has a water cooler, named Michael Jackson, and our conversations move rapidly through the varied adventures of life. If you ever need to talk about more than photocopying, diets and lawn seed, then please come over to Production. You might just learn something.
No, I cannot share that name!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Flying

I love flying. My second choice of career was to be a flight attendant, until I discovered I had a lack of height. Those were the days when attendants were called Air Hostess and they wore tied scarves at their necks, tight skirts and red lipstick. I used to play "Flying". I would set up chairs in my bedroom to resemble an airplane, a big teddy was the pilot, I served peanuts from a tray and once translated an entire welcome into French.

Six things I love about flying:
1) Airport shops and the need for another postcard, bracelet, keyring, pencil, book, t shirt and mints.
2) I am not the only one eating snacks.
3) Reading peoples laptops.
4) The outrageous Sky-mall Magazine which sells things like The Pet Doorbell Set, Therafirm Core-Spun Mild Support Socks and Military Zoom Binoculars.
5) Once upon a nine years ago I had a lucky run of being upgraded to first class. This happened at least six times, for no reason. It was simply delicious, even turbulence has manners in first class.
6) An expectation of discovery. Outward or inward bound.

Six things I dislike about flying:
1) People who insist on tugging themselves up by your headrest.
2) The thought of people starring at me as I waddle down the aisle.
3) Waddling down the aisle I brush strangers cheeks with my hips.
4) Sniffers, cough-ers, snorers, complainers, babies, garlic eaters and leg tappers.
5) People who through security must put everything back on without waiting for their tray to get to the end, thus causing a hold up.
6) When a false nail pops off and I can not find it, wondering if it has gone into my neighbors drink, lap, bag or hair.

Merci de lire, s'il vous plaƮt revenir une autre fois sous peu.