Thursday, March 17, 2011

A Heart Connection

The other day I went for an echocardiogram.
It is extraordinary to me, to imagine that someone somewhere once said;
"You know what we really need? A way to examine the heart by using ultrasound to monitor movement in physical areas within present time."
"Yeah," said the other nurse, looking up in anticipation. "My uncle was in the Navy and they use ultrasound equipment to locate enemy submarines. We could see if we could borrow his."

It was surprisingly empowering to see and hear my own heart. Does anyone remember the episode in Friends, where Jennifer Aniston could not see her baby in the ultrasound photograph? Well, I must admit I could not truly work out what my heart looked like.

It sounded like a washing machine and for a moment, it literally took my breathe away. As a mother must feel an instant love for the smudge that is hers, I was in awe of this pulsing gray mass. It is not something I have earned through hard work or a present that was given to me, this is mine. Been with me all my life and will continue to be there. 

This was honestly the first time that I had thought about my body being a working thing.  Inside all this skin, there are blobs of stuff, doing amazing tricks in order to keep me moving, thinking,  laughing,  writing,  not moving,  responding,  relaxing,  tightening,  stopping  and simply  doing.  That washing machine is on constant wash.

It's funny how most of us are searching for a connection to another, or something above, some reason and purpose. Yet, do we search for a connection to what is inside us? It made me realize that I pay more attention to the contents of my handbag than I do to the contents of my body.

It was interesting and kind of precious in a personal way.

Monday, March 14, 2011

The word wonder

I wonder sometimes -

if wire hangers grow? I know this is not an original thought, who has time for those?
I, similar to Joan Crawford, yet without the cheekbones, hate wire hangers. I despise pulling them out from the depths of my wardrobe as they twist themselves lovingly onto other wire hangers, thus breeding several  that you will find the next week.What I dislike even more than wire hangers, is that sometimes I use them! Why? Why do I think they can suddenly take the weight of my trousers? As soon as you hang anything onto them, they squeal in pain and dip under the pressure. "No, don't use me, I'm just a wire hanger. I hang here to annoy or spoil shoulders occasionally."

I wonder why -
saving my precious CVS reward points for a dark under eye concealer and buying it happily on Saturday - did I find tonight the very same concealer I had obviously bought the other month and had not tried yet. Am I now so rich, that I like to use a different one for each eye?
The first person to leave a comment will win the second concealer.  It's a good one. Not to be missed. I have been told that pandas use this concealer to escape from the zoo for a social night out.

I wonder who created -
Style Snaps. An amazing device I watched on TV about snappers that you can use for hemming trousers. No sewing, no Velcro and you can remove them easily to use again again. I was in awe. What a great idea.
I cannot sew a mouth shut, and have reluctantly not bought trousers that have been too long for me. NOw I can. I'm so excited and cannot wait to find them on the TV aisle in CVS. I never purchase direct from the TV, even though I miss out on the opportunity of receiving one thousand Style Snaps for the price of $19.99 plus postage and shipping.

I wonder optimstically -
if Style Snaps will find this posting, see it as great publicity and send a bundle to me for free. http://www.buystylesnaps.com/ - just in case!

I wonder -
am I the only person who imagines the security bell will go off EVERY SINGLE time I leave a store.

I wonder -
was I a thief in a previous life, due to the above wondering.

I wonder -
when I will start doing instead of wondering. When I will receive that confidence to kick myself to focus on what I truly want, rather than what I hide behind.

Then sometimes, I realize I need to stop wondering, as Japan is an example of having to do in order to survive. I catch myself as I slip into the victim mode and realize I have nothing to wonder about.
We are so fortunate and should never take that for granted.