Thursday, February 3, 2011

Deletion Warning

For about an hour I deleted myself! I was not happy and kept checking my feet, imagining they would evaporate slowly and by morning I would be a speck of dust. Kind of like that horror movie where the man becomes a spider and as the camera zooms in, all you hear is a weak squeak of "help me, help me."

Do not ask me why, I suddenly decided this evening to set myself up with a proper website.I have always wanted to be a dot com. Isn't that part of being a grown up these days? Or am I just trying to be young? Pretending I know what a rubric set is - somebody said that to me today - could you send me the rubric set - what on earth is that? I want my abacus back !

I was excited to buy my domain. I don't even know what a domain is, apart from being the hair on a lions head.

When they say in easy steps, they are obviously referring to The Belgium Tango.
For 30 minutes my website was a Spanish Neighborhood with 452 days till the next board meeting. I am hoping it was a template and that the ancient town of Jaynero does not knock on my doorstep tomorrow.

Then I could not get back to this blog site and truly nearly cried thinking that a year of doing this had been deleted with the press of google. Apparently there will be a JayneHannah.com soon. I will be branding myself next.....like a cow.

Quick note on Why?

Why did Dunkin Donuts decide to have chocolate month during my Movie Star Month?

Why does my tool bar change during the day without warning and throw me into a panic?

Why does pale lipstick look great on some people and on me embraces the corpse look?

Why do New England people on television complain with such bitterness about the snow, when they live in New England and we go through this every year? I ask; would you rather walk through the snow on your road or a road in Egypt at the moment?

Monday, January 31, 2011

Movie Star Month

Can you believe that the first month of 2011 ends in three hours?
How has it been for you?
Did you continue as well as you begun? Did you surprise yourself with success? Success surprise you?
Or, like me, today you are only just poking your head from beneath the covers, saying - "did the brand new year of my life really begin and I did nothing about it?"

I decided, slowly, that February would be a special month. I am calling it my movie star month. Insert blink, blink, blink of stars and zoom in on the Hollywood sign.

When I was a kid I declared that I would be a movie star by twenty five and live in San Francisco. For those that do not know me, that did not happen.

If it had of happened, February would mean me, hiding away in my beautiful San Francisco home, getting physically and mentally ready for the Oscars month. I would of course have been at every ceremony, and perhaps this year at forty odd years, be receiving a special award. Special award for funniest, prettiest, yet fantastic at drama and talented writer as well as acting award.
Insert blink, blink, blink of Hollywood stars and my simply stunning yet casual head shot.

So as not to disappoint my inner child, I am going to prepare as though I will be attending the Oscars on Sunday February 27th. My aim is to sit and watch the Oscars, looking as good as my friends Cameron, Michelle and Nicole.

This means, I declare in front of all thousand readers (I was never good at math) that I will:
  • Put myself first.
  • Use cleansers on my face every day & night.
  • Apply special treatments to my hair, so that it is washed & looking good every day. (Come on we know whats hiding underneath that up do I attempt every week.)
  • Stop, YES I said STOP - biting my nails!!! I have bitten them so much I have tasted my wrist.
  • Get rest.
  • Complete the edits to a play & mail it out to a theater company by Sunday February 27th.
  • Try some exercise.....yes I said exercise.
  • Lose weight...this said quietly and if you repeat it I will kill you.
  • Cut out sugar....this said reluctantly and quietly....same rule above applies.
  • Stop saying I am Sorry for every single thing that happens.

I am going to live, as I imagined I would back when I was 11, as Jayne the movie star.

Wish me luck, (as I do all those who know me). I will report, with fascination, honesty and handy tips for living the glam life. Insert blink blink blink of Mentally Insane Hospital and mug shot of me looking bloated with panda eyes and a large Twix in hand.