When I am off on a car journey by myself, I admit, it catapults me into a wondrous world, where I am glamorous, gorgeous and incredibly confident. My Kia becomes the universe where I know exactly the right thing to say at the right time. Where I can sing like Maria Carey and all my ambitions have occurred.
Recently I have been acting out my "Majorca" screenplay when driving, and during today's trip I found the perfect end clip. The final joke that completes the theme running throughout the movie. The bit that has people telling others to watch till the credits end. As I'm thinking this piece up, I'm aware of a sporty little red car overtaking me. A few moments later and now I find myself overtaking the same car. This happens twice.
Call me a daft old bat, because I think - well the handsome driver has seen me and we have a car flirtation going on. These occurred many times during my London Best Friend Brenda days - where boldness was as thick as our mascara and adventures were always found in a traffic jam.
So I'm loving that this reminder of my femininity has appeared and I continue acting out the movie scene with fevered determination. The clip involves a gimmick about David Bowie's perfect song "Suffragette City". If your male passenger joins in with the famous phrase toward the end of the song - the theory is; that if so desired, you will get blissfully and favorably laid by him.
I had the notion that I, the writer, would appear driving with Mr.Clooney, of course, who does indeed, enthusiastically join in with the song. I turn toward the camera with a look that says "I've won the lottery, the eagles will be landing and baptize me Jesus, this will be The Second Coming!"
Naturally, I replay and rehearse a couple of times, finally deciding to let out an orgasmic cheer. Just as I fling my head, I am aware of the red sports car driving up on my left again and I know the passenger is looking at me. I know it!
I decide to face them boldly, showing a woman who always gets excited with her own driving skills.
Yes, he's staring right at me. It's a bulldog. A white and brown bulldog, whose wrinkled expression I swear says; "Yeah right Mrs!"