Sunday, November 20, 2011

Blazers

On December 24th a small child maybe seen peering from a window, face angled toward the sky.
Waiting. Excited and knowing.
Their expression matches mine, every single time I walk into a clothing store. Every single time! What's wrong with me?
On this trip I wanted a blazer. A blazer! Remember them? Why don't we have women's blazers anymore? Who stole them? The school uniform thief?

Yes, there are coats and jackets. Plenty of jackets that stop at your waist. If like me, you have a love seat as a backside, one cant do anything that stops at the waist.

All I want in life is to wear a pair of jeans, a shirt and a jacket. A jacket that covers! AND, lets not talk about jeans. Jeans that fit my legs, leave Grand Canyon gaps around the waist. The store called The Gap was created by me. Jeans that fit at the waist, well, they cant even get there for all the Body Mass Index that are known as my thighs. Belts are pointless by the way and the trend of boys pants hanging at the hips was created by me.
Once upon a time I bought a pair of expensive jeans, that fit great on the legs and waist. Every time I sit down the zipper opens. I sit there like a personal ATM machine.

So, I wear a big sweater to cover everything up and Yeti monsters are asking for my number. Hence my sudden desire for a blazer.

I eventually leave the store with a pair of earrings, I have great ears.
You watch, female blazers will be back in fashion next year. I asked for them on my letter to Santa.

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