Knock knock. Who's there? Alzheimer's. What? No, Alzheimer's who? What?
You get the point.
I miss conversation! Easy banter. Warm loving words. Discussions. Plans. Inspiring stories. A sharing of dreams or the grocery list.
Ninety percent of my time is now spent in pure stress mode. Lost glasses, a lost wallet (now called clothes), what day it is, what time it is. Searches for the three telephones, finding water still running, finding dirty washing spinning in the dryer complete with washing liquid. Keys, the constant checking for keys.
I feel like I'm in a whirlwind and there are moments when I say, just lift your feet up and whoosh I'd be gone.
Anxiety. Fear. Desperation. Giddiness. Need. Want. Now. All of these things that no longer have names and explanations are jumping beans in my husbands head.
I miss so many things about my marriage. The biggest thing are the ease of words and the ease of a shared silence.Who knew those were privileges?
Taking Tylenol PM quickly I go to bed to forget the day and how sometimes, I dread the next.