Thursday, July 21, 2011

The theory of the young and older

In my younger, slimmer, perkier days I had a theory; the first time you gave a new man a blow job, your mascara would never smudge. One would look as gorgeous as the receiver was picturing. The second time, same man, ones mascara would double and the receiver would be faced with Gene Simmons in another type of Kiss mode. One would never know this until you caught a reflection of yourself or the man had screamed and fainted, which you mistook as blissful joy.
Which is why, gentleman, you only really get one good blow job from the same woman - because she is thinking of her mascara!

Now that I am in my older, heavier, lower days and a blow job means the vacuum cleaner is not working , I have a new theory.
When one is getting ready in the morning and quickly winds up their longish hair and simply mounts it to the back of the head with a plastic claw grip, they will look in the mirror and say; "Wow that doesn't look bad, I will leave it like that. Hair spray will keep that baby in place."

Then two hours later when they arrive at their destination, which is a public place, the mirror will laugh as one  realizes they look like they have a mans toupee stuck to one side of their head and a tail of an old fox sticking up on the other. Yes indeed the hair spray has hardened and nothing can move. Delightful.

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