Thursday, June 16, 2011

The disease

A funny thing happened to me as I was knocked off my feet by an Ocean Job Lot cart pushed by my husband, who then got worried because he could not find me, because I was stuck on the floor struggling to get up.
It occurred to me that I am so lucky to love and to have a sense of humor.
If Mr.Weiner had a sense of humor instead of an ego, we would not know that he is an idiot in grey underwear.

The thing is, I hate the disease, not my husband. I love him.
I had plenty of chances to fall out of love with him years ago. If those times did not change my feelings, an illness he did not invite for dinner, is not going to make me hate him now.

Can you imagine waking up with a blindfold on and woolly socks stuffed in your ears?  You stumble to the phone and there's a message on your voice mail instructing you to go ahead and live normally, go on just try.

That's how I view Alzheimer's. David knows something is going on, yet he cannot find the words to describe it. He is not aware of repeating or talking to the wall thinking its me. He is aware of constant changes and that it hurts when you walk forward into space only to slam into a door. Or when you cant be understood by your family and when the effort of putting on a t shirt takes twenty minutes. Here is the wonder though - he still gets up and tries every day, to do the things I take for granted. He still tries to inspire his children and tries to share life with friends.
Some nights I watch him sleeping and imagine a gremlin sitting on his head, nibbling away his brain. I would smash that gremlin if I could and throw him to the lions. 
Davids passion for living still races around. It may now speak a garbled language and wear odd socks, it is still David. It is our role just to acknowledge that and accept. He is still there and nobody should shy away from that, just because we choose to see what has now gone.
Give every percent a chance to shine, as too quickly it all will fade. 

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