Monday, February 28, 2011

The Oscars

Returned home safe from The Oscars. Wow what a night!
I'm so pleased I lent Gwyneth my dress, she looked good. She needs to feel OK before she sings.
Bless her - nobody is telling her she is grade B karaoke who believes otherwise. She wants to sing with Jay C, I hear! Good luck with that one.

Poor Cate Blanchett spillt carrot juice (dinner) over herself in the limo on the ride over. I suggested she cut a hole around the stain - which she did. I said people would think it part of the design, which they did! Maybe I should enter Project Runway.

Melissa Leo took me up on the dare to swear on stage to see if the audience were listening. They obviously were, although the loud edit beep was thought to be emergency services in Massachusetts and everyone hid in their cellars for the rest of the night. No doubt having a better time.

James Franco had left his personality stuck under the boulder and spent most of the night thinking he was in one of his PHD classes and took a quick student doze on stage. I'm surprised he managed to drown out Anne's annoyingly loud, boring giggles. She did not stop with the foolish noises, like a kid playing dress up. Now I understand why they cast her as Catwoman - it must be when Catwoman is still a kitten and does that frustrating chasing thing all night long.

I am fan of The Douglas Family - however - did Hollywood just remember that because Michael was dying, that his father Kirk was still alive? He was Spartacus for goodness sake - he deserved better than having Anne act like an idiot over him and have Melissa stealing his walking stick. They pushed him out, like a Disney animatronic, poor bloke. They should have projected him in, like they did with the wonderful Bob Hope.

Talking of which a projected image of Bob Hope all night would have been a better a host. Thank goodness the producers dragged Billy Crystal in from the bar to give a little class to the evening for five minutes. That's what the show lacked - class. Next year they have Charlie Sheen hosting with Khloe Kardashian. Tickets are $5 each.

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