Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Movie Star Mouth

The Movie Star Month experiment continues well, though results differ from what I had imagined.
Surprising to report is that my weight dropped. It scared me as it featured 166.6.Thus proving that calling an exorcist to release my constipation would be a good idea.

Then came the great day of what I called my super spa treatment. Yes, the root canal. All I can say is - the drugs were amazing. I flew, heard Abba and Regis and Kelly visited. I even took the news well, (apparently) when told that toward the end of the procedure the actual tooth broke, so then I was taken to another surgery where they had to remove everything. So $1700, five hours and two surgeons just to have one old tooth extracted. Remember when your Mum used to hook string around the offending tooth and then the door knob? Obviously my Movie Star demands alot more these days.

I woke later that day wondering what on earth had happened, why I had a huge wad of gauze in my mouth and two credit card receipts for very large amounts. Had I become Charlie Sheen?

I had no pain whatsoever. Until Valentines day. Munching on chocolate on the opposite side, a tooth broke in half and now my left side is trying to escape through my cheekbones. I cant help wonder, if while inside my mouth, the dentist took a jab, declaring "she'll be back for the drugs." My bank balance does not desire a return trip, so I'm now sucking like a granny to avoid the Grand Canyon of a hole on the right and the painful cacti on the left. Yes my mouth is Arizona.

As a side note, also on Valentines Day, someone sent me a love letter via carrier pigeon, or Dove, or maybe it was a seagull. Sadly the pigeon/dove/seagull mistimed his arrival and slammed onto my windscreen along the motorway. Nice! The windscreen beneath my wings, ahh romance!

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