As part of the MSM, (Movie Star Month) I am on a short retreat with a focus on writing that is being held in a well known yoga establishment.
I am going to be bold and say, with respect, love, pine nuts and namaste - I am not the retreat, yoga type of person. My name is Jayne and I'm a non downward dog doer. (Unless I know the guy really well.)
I have to park my car a short distance from the entrance. This means walking up a hill. Arriving, I'm like a wolf trying to blow the place down. I am sweating more than those in the heated yoga session.
Immediately I feel like an alien. Tiny people being held up by skinny legs walk, no sorry, drift around. They are at peace, they are one with their being. Yet to me they look bloody miserable and must be starving.
I feel fat, old and have a desire to scream Get me to McDonalds. I know I want to fit in and immediately find solace in the gift shop. Perhaps I can purchase something to change my outer being that will motivate my inner being to feel more the part.
I love gift shops. They are always the best part of a museum. This one is gorgeous. I suddenly burn with the need for beads, CDs of mountain pipes, rocks that will bring easy wisdom and smells that are better than Vanilla Cupcake Glade.
I quickly leave when I realize that extra large obviously means extra large ability to pretend to be big while eating nothing but bean curd.
In the cafe I am looking for something easy that I can chew carefully between the root canals that are now my mouth. I am looking at bags of cherries and apricots and I hear two ladies say - oh yes lets get almonds, with the same excitement that I would say oh yes lets skip work and steal a car and drive to Vegas.
I try to open my chakra and channel my peaceful joy - and point them to the almonds.
"Oh NO,"they say together. "Those are covered in Chocolate."
Good God. Really! Not c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e? How the hell did that demon get in the door? Quick call the President to remove this infected species of evil.
I try, I try so hard to be the spiritual warrior woman. I'm just not, and today I can stand up and say that's OK. I love the flow of the clothing, the beads and the idea of a journey - the rest just does not sit comfortably in my Tacky chakra that loves TV, dyed blond hair, laying in and eating food that has sell by dates that will outlive me, my spirit and my inner child named Glory.
We are all one.