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Showing posts from November 7, 2010

Just another rant

Today the Alzheimer's association sent messages out to pay tribute to caregivers.

For me, being a wife, I prefer the term care partner as I believe David and I to be a team.
We work through challenges, I slam doors, I cry and say many I'm sorry statements. As he looks into the mirror to see a life fading, so do I. I see two, his and mine.

Being a care partner has a dreadful side effect. I suppose it is similar to when a mother feels like she is a robot. Get up, make breakfast, get kid up, feed kid, dress kid, drag kid to school, clean, tidy, work, collect kid, feed kid, blah blah blah.
I hear there comes a time when mothers scream What about me?

Today in the hospital as yet another doctor tells me, let your husband speak. I sit there and watch David stammer and not make a word of sense. Finally the doctor looks at me, giving me permission to speak. Yes, see, I want to cry. I'm not just being an over bearing, controlling bitch. I'm being a care partner, that's CARE. Some…

Weather Forecast

I am re-writing the myth - Love is NOT all you need.

It is the strong powerful ones who deal with everything successfully and it has nothing to do
with loving. It has to do with survival. Tactics to win. To beat others. Even when the powerful ones are wrong they are right, because they know they are wrong and can get away with it by being louder.

I have not lost much in my life, simply I guess because I have never had anything in the first place!
I have however been free to say the word love. To show when I'm happy. To share when I could. To share when I couldn't. I always thought that was the best way to be. I was wrong.

This is a lecture to all that are younger. If you are single, remain single.
If you are partnered with someone with an addiction - leave them.
If you believe you know what love is, then take a day off from it and then look at it again.

If your partner becomes ill, then distance yourself. Everyone else does. They may say, Oh I'm there. Have a look though - are the…

Mid LIfe Part Two

There is absolutely no easy way of handling a partner with Alzheimer's.
There are no benefits. I have not turned into Maria Schneider.
I have not become a spiritual wise woman with blond hair who wears purple and brews chamolmile tea. I have become a spitting woman who eats Cheetos in her car outside Best Buy, just to hide for a moment to see real life. I walk toward CVS mumbling "shoot me, just shoot me."

Today was a classic episode into the oddity of this illness. I bump back and forth between knowing and feeling helpless. Its like being asked to perform with Cirque De Solei without a rehearsal nor safety net. Keep smiling they say while I imagine myself sticking a fork into my leg and simply exploding into nothing.

In Vegas I soaked in everything the place could offer. The sights, the sounds, the taste. I shopped, ate chocolate, rode the open top bus, and felt, let alone said, wow every five minutes. I loved it.

I went on a private tour of the Siegfried Secret Garden and m…