Do you know where?

It's 30 minutes past midnight. Do you know where your event planner is?

This one is bursting unknown blood vessels as she mimes obscenties so as not to wake up the household.

Who suggested that Windows 7 is a good idea? It wasn't my bleedin idea I can tell you that!!
Why can't I format as easily as I used to? Where the hell is the spell check?
Why does the font suddenly go red when it wants to?
Why is everything smaller? And don't tell me I need glasses.

I need glasses alright! Glasses full of brandy and M&Ms.

If I hear one more client boast how smart their participants are - I will ask them to build me an aeroplane out of pencils and fly me to Hawaii. If you arn't smart enough to realise that 400 people during rush hour without a permit will be difficult, then I'm sorry but you're not smart.

If I hear once more, I'm getting nervous my event is just around the corner - March 2011 and I want it confirmed now - I will arrive at someones desk and slam a 2011 British Countryside scenes calendar down their throat.

If I hear once more, can we have a minute by minute agenda with a rehearsal and a run through for an activity that needs to be improvised - I will......I will...well I don't know, but I think it is clear that I could/would/should have been a librarain.