Showing posts from 2010

Tis the season

I am not making this up........

Dec 19th 6:49pm
The oven is broken.
I have lost my voice.
Last night the water heater broke, flooded the basement & we have no hot water.
The TV just stopped and is now stuck on a video game of Deal or No Deal.
Even a tape measure is stuck and the measure is erect at thirty inches!!!!!!!

There's a Christmas Miracle on its way.................right?????????????????????????

Skinny Jeans...kind of

Had a stay in hospital last week. The reason is not important. Well, it is to me, just not for this blog right now.

So on the second day, for good behavior they give me new pajamas to wear. A cotton johnny (hate that word) and pajama bottoms. The johnny size is Hippo, the bottoms are size Starbucks Tall and Skinny.
Thus proving, laying down I really do look like a Victoria Secret model.

Inside the bathroom, resembling an airplane bathroom, I get a shock in the mirror to see I resemble my Great times a thousand Grandmother, who lived in the Stoneage times. My hair is sticking out in all directions, my lips are turtle like and folding in one one another. Somewhere there are blue eyes peeking out from the red and black. Plus I am bloated like a puffer fish.

My efforts to get closer to glamorous were laughable and my attempt to get the Tall Skinnies on were painful. Its hard to maneuver when you are attached to wires and a pole. Then I start to laugh, then I drop the heart monitor and then I …


There were days in London when my friend Helene and I would sit on the floor cutting magazines, scribbling with crayons and sharing positive affirmations. We were early thirties and you can do stuff like that when you are a fan of SARK.

Here in the States I completed a Dream Boogie program with her to encourage my creativity to come out again. It is working by the way.

Sark had sent us a challenge to record what happened when we used one of her transformation tools.

I chose to welcome in miraculous people. Now its a good idea to be out in the open to do this. Go for a walk and with open arms say "Miraculous people, find me now."

I was having a blue day at my desk in work, so I asked for my miracle while in the bathroom!!! (I know that sounds so wrong!!)

I was expecting something would solve everything and provide all the answers. For example an old boyfriend arriving, now well and healthy with all the money I lent him plus a million! Or the producers from Working Title who I fool…


This is exciting news, just in!

It is 11:40 am on a Monday. Ususally at this time I feel sick because of a large coffee, a coffee roll and a gingerbread man.

Today I wanted to eat fruit only....So.....

Today at 11:40am I have had a large coffee and at least a quarter of a pound of dried apricots.
I feel sick! Really sick. That's great! Thus proving that fruit is the same as cookies.


OK everyone - the game is up! I'm on one of those reality shows aren't I?
Where you all set me up with various situations and if I do well I'm going to win something. Something big. That's right isn't it? Isn't it?

My week end was like a poorly mad student horror movie . The end of a "Housewives of Dagenham" season episode. The icing on the already well iced chocolate cake. I am not sharing details, I will just say that The National Enquirer are refusing to print the story on account of it being unbeliveble.

I went to see the new movie "127 Hours" yesterday. You must see this movie.
1: Amazing direction. I hear Oscar for Danny Boyle. My goodness are you talented.
2: Great acting. I hear Oscar nomination for James Franco.
3: I am so grateful this movie is not in 3D!
4: The story is true. The story is true!!!! I am typing this like Oprah.

It made me appreciate that my own version (my life caught under a boulder in a place that I Love) is not as bad. …


Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.

Mine was different. My usual "may I help?" quietly aimed toward the area of the kitchen is traditionally ignored. My American life does not include the fact that once upon a time I had a full British life. I had a house, garden, cooked, cleaned, ironed, worked, actually had some success and a near miss with a professional writing career and happy marriage. That was Jayne Part One I guess.

Anyway, Jayne Part Two has an image that she does not know how to cook. (Does not know how to do anything.) I throw my oven gloves into the air and say I'm guilty of taking advantage of this and have played along. To the extent where I believe it! Not that I was ever Julia Childs, I did however have adventures with stuffed lamb and a pink meringue that stuck to the kitchen ceiling.

Anyway, So Jayne Part Two was suddenly cutting and frying on Thursday in a kitchen where people can really cook. They have things like rice vinegar and stuffed fig oil in…

Holly Potter

So, we went to see Holly Potter (as its known in our household) on Saturday.
It's a great movie. It must be good because I did not understand a bit of it and yet I still enjoyed it.
You have to know, follow, read, re read, see all the movies before seeing the latest one to remember who BobblePeekGoswold is compared to GobblepeedCodfort. I know I have said it before but I'm not good at remembering names let alone the complicated fancy ones.

I was surprised when a elf called Dobey appeared. I thought he was in Lord of the Rings.

I was also surprised when I realized I had eaten all my chocolate covered pretzels only ten minutes in.

Congratulations to JK Rowling. What a woman. I can't even write a blog without getting stuck, yet one book of hers will make three movies. She made a familiar concept, that of a quest to collect stuff in order to get something solved, into the incredible Potter world.

All of us have quests. Mine was written as follows:
If thou art brave to collect the fol…

Just reacting

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."
I love this quote from John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

I am going to open a store that sells glasses.
Optician glasses for sight issues.
Martini glasses for comfort issues.
Big heavy black rimmed glasses for people who are so short sighted that they can not see how selfish they are. The type of person who says and writes stuff to have a negative effect on others.
The sort of person who buys an emerald ring that you want and gives you the bag.

As murder is not on my current to do list, I have to accept that others in the sand box believe they deserve the beach.

I hope to see if at least my actions can be larger than their words.


I flew back from Baltimore today.

A gorgeous little boy called Max was in front of me as we were boarding the plane. He was well prepared for his day, wearing penguin pajamas and Spiderman socks. His was an adorable face as we exchanged big grins, it was great.
He looked at his nanny (must have been because of youthful appearance) and said pointing at me - "that woman is having a baby."

Response one: This is great, because he views me as pregnant rather than fat. Fantastic, I at last fit into a different category. I must have been blooming and looking tranquil and at peace. My eyes shining with excitement and hope of the future.

Response Two: Pregnant?!!!!!!!!! That would be so typical of my life that I turn out to be a modern Mother Virgin Mary. I have after all been asking for miracles. When my current constipation phase finally ends - I will bring relief to the world not just for myself. Could be interesting.

Just another rant

Today the Alzheimer's association sent messages out to pay tribute to caregivers.

For me, being a wife, I prefer the term care partner as I believe David and I to be a team.
We work through challenges, I slam doors, I cry and say many I'm sorry statements. As he looks into the mirror to see a life fading, so do I. I see two, his and mine.

Being a care partner has a dreadful side effect. I suppose it is similar to when a mother feels like she is a robot. Get up, make breakfast, get kid up, feed kid, dress kid, drag kid to school, clean, tidy, work, collect kid, feed kid, blah blah blah.
I hear there comes a time when mothers scream What about me?

Today in the hospital as yet another doctor tells me, let your husband speak. I sit there and watch David stammer and not make a word of sense. Finally the doctor looks at me, giving me permission to speak. Yes, see, I want to cry. I'm not just being an over bearing, controlling bitch. I'm being a care partner, that's CARE. Some…

Weather Forecast

I am re-writing the myth - Love is NOT all you need.

It is the strong powerful ones who deal with everything successfully and it has nothing to do
with loving. It has to do with survival. Tactics to win. To beat others. Even when the powerful ones are wrong they are right, because they know they are wrong and can get away with it by being louder.

I have not lost much in my life, simply I guess because I have never had anything in the first place!
I have however been free to say the word love. To show when I'm happy. To share when I could. To share when I couldn't. I always thought that was the best way to be. I was wrong.

This is a lecture to all that are younger. If you are single, remain single.
If you are partnered with someone with an addiction - leave them.
If you believe you know what love is, then take a day off from it and then look at it again.

If your partner becomes ill, then distance yourself. Everyone else does. They may say, Oh I'm there. Have a look though - are the…

Mid LIfe Part Two

There is absolutely no easy way of handling a partner with Alzheimer's.
There are no benefits. I have not turned into Maria Schneider.
I have not become a spiritual wise woman with blond hair who wears purple and brews chamolmile tea. I have become a spitting woman who eats Cheetos in her car outside Best Buy, just to hide for a moment to see real life. I walk toward CVS mumbling "shoot me, just shoot me."

Today was a classic episode into the oddity of this illness. I bump back and forth between knowing and feeling helpless. Its like being asked to perform with Cirque De Solei without a rehearsal nor safety net. Keep smiling they say while I imagine myself sticking a fork into my leg and simply exploding into nothing.

In Vegas I soaked in everything the place could offer. The sights, the sounds, the taste. I shopped, ate chocolate, rode the open top bus, and felt, let alone said, wow every five minutes. I loved it.

I went on a private tour of the Siegfried Secret Garden and m…

Mid Life Part One

I have a notion that it was a disguised George Clooney who stole my camera last Sunday at The Bellgeio Hotel, Las Vegas.
Bare with me, there is a reason.

Today I walked straight into Christmas. By that I mean Michael's. The fake scent of pine cones wafted from the three dollar bundles of real pine cones and burdened, glittering door wreaths screamed Hang Me!

My mid life crisis has requested its standard thought provoking tradition, that of cross stitch. Each major change in my life has involved a fierce engagement with embroidery, especially the art of counted cross stitch. Beware friends and family, you can thank me now, because everyone is receiving a home made seasonal card.

So in the embroidery aisle I am joined by a husband and wife team. He strikes up the "awe of thread" conversation with me, while she proudly looks on. Fifteen minutes into our conversation he begins to show me his entire cross stitch collection on his cell phone.
"Not that size" I joked. Then…

A Chakra

I admit that I have gone a little crazy. My boss has officially put me on two weeks leave.
So today I am slowly working from home, as I do not wish to throw my department into
the break down mode either.

At my desk I decided to light a candle named Healing.
It is a Chakra Energy Candle that will open my Anahata. That's my heart to all you non chakra folks.

So, I'm breathing, crying, breathing, typing and I think wow that's an odd smell.
The candle promises Lavandin, Orange and Tangerine.
Breathing, typing, trying not to think.
Closing my eyes, rolling my shoulders to open my Anahata. This is great.
I look at the candle to find and feel a two foot Tangerine flame waving at me.
My heart is actually on fire.

Note to self - it is a good idea to remove the paper before lighting your chakras!!!

Vegas Baby

It started with a week end in Vegas.
I travelled down memory lane into fun, glamor, new stuff, talent, pure entertainment.
While others drained their pockets and themselves of energy, I could feel myself re fueling like a spark chasing up the fuse line.
The explosion has hit. I just can not do what I have been doing any more.
I have not been true for over three years. I have to make changes.

Now I am on a trip to face what I must. The clock may now only have a year - so if I do not link my arms with my partner in lame, I know this will have been one last dance that I sat out while longing to take center stage.

I hope that is cryptic, because this is purely for me.

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas -
Not for me.
I believe I stole a pink feather boa
and I want to wear it daily.

Thank you very much!

Dining in the Dark

I have experienced a new trend Dining in the Dark. (Please sound trumpets, it is not often that the old girl reports on something new!)

Dining In The Dark is the concept of eating a four course meal while wearing a blindfold. Why would you do such a daft thing?

It has "Jayne will hate it" written all over it. I loved it!
Fear, excuses, trust, unknown stuff was stopping me, yet I found myself in a position where I was suddenly doing it and now can not recommend it enough.

Each individual will have their own experience. For me I felt a surprise sense of confidence and independence. I imagined I would think more, worry about making a mess or doing something wrong. Yet quickly I found myself simply focusing on the food and the intention to eat. I had a sense of freedom from negative emotions that are usually present during a social meal. (No need to recommend a shrink, I'm already there!)

Many people soon forgot about trying to use utensils. Many experience a greater sense of sme…

Reality Shows

This has been a long time between posts.
Work went crazy busy. Would have been the best season ever as the TV show, I can tell you that.
Featuring the classic episode called "Camp We Care Not" including a pointless flight to Seattle, missing rocking horses, anxious FedEx trips, secret conversations held at 1am, lots of tears, one resignation letter and of course cake.

It feels that life hit me hard with reality this year and I'm struggling to recover.
My thoughts have been that I would eventually end up at Disneyworld being one of the Fairy Godmothers. Not the young beautiful one. The comical rounder ones with grey hair. Greeting people in Disneyworld has a greater appeal to me than the one I feel I will end up doing at Walmart. I say that with respect for those that have to, rather than those that can finally relax and enjoy retirement.

Being that I followed a dream of becoming an actress and then a writer - I guess for most of my life I have believed in dreams coming true. …

Sunday Right Now

Right now..............
I really want my Aunty Violet's Jam Tart. It's simple and magnificent.I am working really hard and proud of my commitment to work.It is truly useful that this country has three different time zones (maybe more?) You can get more than a regular days work done in one day. Sadly/brightly/amazingly/worryingly I am not being sarcastic.Faced a professional fear and am getting through it.Had to spell check enthusiast several times.ALL my teeth are aching - which is comforting, as I only get scared when one tooth hurts.In the discussions over the House of Iman in Manhattan - why doesn't anyone say it is not respectful? It's like weight watchers being next to IHOP - it's just plain awkward.Still wanting Aunty Violets Jam Tart.

Do you know where?

It's 30 minutes past midnight. Do you know where your event planner is?

This one is bursting unknown blood vessels as she mimes obscenties so as not to wake up the household.

Who suggested that Windows 7 is a good idea? It wasn't my bleedin idea I can tell you that!!
Why can't I format as easily as I used to? Where the hell is the spell check?
Why does the font suddenly go red when it wants to?
Why is everything smaller? And don't tell me I need glasses.

I need glasses alright! Glasses full of brandy and M&Ms.

If I hear one more client boast how smart their participants are - I will ask them to build me an aeroplane out of pencils and fly me to Hawaii. If you arn't smart enough to realise that 400 people during rush hour without a permit will be difficult, then I'm sorry but you're not smart.

If I hear once more, I'm getting nervous my event is just around the corner - March 2011 and I want it confirmed now - I will arrive at someones desk and slam a 2011 B…

Why my work is a TV reality show

Here is a preview on what would/could/should be a great new reality show.......

EPISODE SET UP: It is the day before a large multi program. Meaning one client is doing three events at the same time. That's alot of materials, logistics, staff and worries.

1) Jayne has a weird toothache, which makes talking painful and she now sounds like a baby Marlon Brando. The GodBaby Part One - 3 D. With subtitles.
2) There has been a flood in the office and certain event materials are sitting in a puddle.
3) All of the materials can not fit into the car - so two trips to the venue are planned.
4) By the way it is pouring with rain and ALL clients are phoning to change their outside events to indoor ones.
5) Jayne gets lost on the return and a twenty minute trip becomes 1 hour 30 minutes.
6)Another client decides that they wish to double the amount of items that have been planned for. With only a days notice to make that happen.
7) Despite screams - they can make it happen.
8) It's still raining.


Sometimes you really need chocolate.

Long dull monologue about lack of sleep

I can't sleep. I hate that.
At 9pm tonight I wanted to sleep. I have an exciting Thursday TV plan in order to get to bed at 9pm and read for an hour. I watch the re run episode of Project Runway instead of the new one at 9pm. I know, it's genius.

So I go to bed at 9pm open my book and my eyes are drifting at 9:05pm. I want to get into work early tomorrow so I switch off the light to sleep and BING, I'm awake.

It is now 2:30am. I have tried reading, worrying, trying to meditate, counting sheep, counting do nuts, getting up to watch Craig Ferguson. (He's funny, I love his timing!) Going back to bed, counting sheep, worrying, thinking, planning.

Going through the traditional dialogue from the over worked versus low self esteem point of view.
If I got up now and wrote the scavenger hunt for next week, that would be good.
I should be getting up to write my novel. Why does work come first? I could get up to write my blog. I have nothing to say. Write the scavenger hunt. Go to slee…

Birthday Blog

Today is my one year blog birthday!

What a year!! My novel will be published in December and the movie rights have finally been sold to my old friends at Working Title.

Wait - I hear reality knocking on my key board!!!
Knock knock - who's there? Jayne. Jayne who? Exactly.

Not alot to share today, just that I wanted to post something on this special day.

Do you think cats sweat when it's this hot?

Do you think I will really be able to take a client seriously who requests that my conference planning call include fun and excitement? I said to my friend, I will wear a clowns outfit and play the trumpet half way through.

Perhaps I will "Pull A Stephen Slater" on the call. I could swear loudly and leap out on the office curtains with my packet of Advil and Red Bull.
I love how Mr.Slater answered a journalist when asked "Do you think you will lose your job?" He quietly smirked "I imagine so." It sounded just like Tim Gunn on Project Runway. So classy.

Ahh well. …


Vacations are brilliant and I have decided to become addicted to them. Please let me know if you wish to be my enabler.

I was on Block Island with my husband for a week. Block Island is named to sound like an Australian prison in order to keep people away. It is however a beautiful, tiny place in Rhode Island.

We stayed in a quaint, expensive (thank you in laws!) bed & breakfast in the heart of town.

It boasted rooms with individual names and characters such as Chantilly, Renaissance and Lovers Retreat. Due to a busy season, we had the experience of staying in a couple of different rooms during our visit.

In The Dollshouse it was not possible for both of us to stand up at the same time and there was no wardrobe and when you pack as heavy as we do this was of concern!

In the Renaissance I found myself thinking this is old fashioned and lovely, yet if I were in my Mums house I would be dragging her to Ikea and ripping off the floral wallpaper with my teeth.

I loved sitting on the front po…

Interviewing The Young

Yesterday I interviewed a female candidate for a job and here is my advice for anyone going out meeting potential bosses:

Do not open with, by the time I'm forty I plan to be........
The woman opposite you who clearly has had a difficult life (black circles, wrinkles in skin and clothing, coffee, red bull & pain reliever packets everywhere) is now hating you and not listening because she is remembering back to when she was forty, and then with bitterness, trying to remember back to when she too felt forty was in a galaxy far far away.

Do not wear flip flops - even when you have been told, it is a casual office.
Being told it is a casual office is a trick.

Do not say how long hours are never a problem and how 7am to 6:45pm including travel, is a long day in the same sentence.

When asked, do you have any questions?
Do not answer no and then email someone else with a thousand questions that really point out the fact that you were not paying attention to the older, wis…

Two things about Monday

A Mel Gibson of a thunder storm hit the house on Monday afternoon. Hand on heart I will proclaim - my name is Jayne and I am afraid of lightening.
Being painfully honest I am scared of electricity. If one believes in reincarnation I have to ponder who I have been in my lifetimes!!

Anyway, the storm found me crouching in a corner (not easy!) with eyes tightly shut and hands over my ears. Sweat pouring all over me, I kept whispering I am safe, I am safe. Sometimes a question mark was added as bolts hit and I heard Freddie Mercury singing Galileo in the background.

On the other side of Monday, I found the courage to reach out and ask for support from a creative community who are making connections and differences in the world. I received inspiring emails and wishes to find comfort and ease. On top of that I received a surprise care package waiting for me in my car this afternoon. WOW! Thank you Jen.

Each of these thoughts are now becoming pieced together in my mind like a jigsaw mirror. It i…

Brand New Thought

I am currently in my office and could be working, yet I find myself thinking about my dream of writing.

Today I feel exhausted, been working hard and not taking care of myself. Mentally and physically I am on the whale side of bloated.

First time ever I am going to publicly say out loud that my husband has early on set Alzheimer's.

Every day I witness him struggle with what I take for granted. My heart breaks a little each day.

I want to reverse that and to say that my heart opens each day to do my best to support him and I on our new journey.

For all of us to take for granted our dreams, talents and joys - is an extravagance. There is so much to embrace. I wonder if I can learn from looking at the opposite of my sadness? So in my tiredness, instead of feeling it as failure, I will look forward to getting an early night tonight. My physical bloating will enjoy release by drinking lots of water and slowing down this week end. My anxious heart will be calmed when I hug my husband again t…

Movie Recommendation

Went to see the movie "A Solitary Man" with Michael Douglas this afternoon.
(I did not go with Michael Douglas, I meant he was in the movie.)

I LOVED it. Well acted, beautifully written, damn honest and gave me an unexpected moment of "NO!" during one particular moment. Not easy for a girl who did guess that Bruce Willis was dead before the ending of "Sixth Sense."

Please see it if you can. These independent movies tend to appear and disappear quicker than a bag of popcorn.

The writing is above so much of what we see on a regular basis.

My current mood is leaving me feeling conflicted and confused. I left that movie theater desperately wanting to write, yet Agnes (inner critic) is as loud as it is hot. I am at the computer, yet I just did two hours work. Work work, not dream work. I wanted to write an indulgent blog in order to get writing. So forgive me. I find if you begin than you can continue.

I tell you something that I did try - remember cherry stones whe…

Desperatly Seeking

I thought today may be an unusual day, when I found myself thinking what it would be like to have Betty White's face. Seriously, that's what I was wondering driving into work.

I had, and still have no great conclusion to this thought. I did realize that perhaps it is more a want to be like Betty White, or at least the public personality that she presents.
Its like when you are waiting for your hair appointment and you flick through the style pages, its not the hair style you crave, its the face, the high cheek bones and the Colgate Dental White bingbing teeth.

So indeed it was an odd day. Little on the rollarcoaster ride. Not Thunder Mountain and definitely not Its a Small World.

On the drive back from work I was crying. In fact I was crying so much that a woman behind me got rather angry and started to blast her horn. I turned off the road quickly (without indicating - the rebel that I am!!!) and found myself in the parking lot of a church.

For those that do not know me I am as cl…

to write or not to write

Well a heat wave has hit New England and my ankles are celebrating with their impersonation of two hot air balloons.

I got home after a busy day at work at 7:40pm, determined to spend the evening writing.

I watched the final 15 minutes on TV of the kids version of Jeopardy. I have only just understood how to play that game. We do not have it in the UK and I have spent 8 years screaming at the TV "But what is the question?"
Anyway - I got about ten answers correct and felt intelligent.

Then I discovered that my mouth was itchy and could not solve it. It feels like I have a pineapple stuck in my mouth. If an itchy palm means coming into money and an itchy nose means there is going to be a fight - what does an itchy mouth mean? That I'm going for a long swim with a guy called Bob?

Is it a coincidence or a mistake that there is a Sponge and a Builder named Bob?

Anyway......... I decide I want to watch TV seriously, in order to relax and get inspired. Nothing on unless I want to …

Oh you young ones!

So today I studied a comment from the great Jozette regarding my blog. I read and re read her comment at least twenty times. Then I asked my assistant "what does lmao mean?" I thought it was a reference to a country or a "Free the Lama Campaign." She politely reminded me that people write with short cuts!
I was so relieved when I heard what it meant. Thank you!

I felt slightly (and I mean slightly) mature for not knowing this new lingo.
It's like when people wear those small knitted sweaters or jackets with a pair of jeans and pearls. It looks great on them, very modern Audrey Hepburn. On me, it's instant granny. Dark sunglasses give me the blind look and loose summer dresses make me look like I'm on a Greek Island cruise with the Canasta Convention Party.

Another example - I imagine Elena Kagan's hair would look great on Megan Fox.

At least I try my best with what I've got - and that is said Only Laughing Demurely. To you younger folks that's o…

Right now at 11:33pm

I continue to be busy at work. I continue to hide my honest thoughts. Even from myself, I say "Oh, don't think about that. It's different for us. This will pass."

I hear and feel other peoples sadness like a DJ collecting music. Forever grabbing at the latest hit constantly replacing and updating the play list.

It's easy to say things are good when they are. I keep refueling myself in small and simple ways.
A breathe of fresh air, a different do nut, a twelve dollar necklace from Kohls.

I keep saying, searching, looking, asking for the miracles - convincing myself they are found in the trees, the clouds and the grass. Trouble is I want more.

Each day that the page on the day calendar is removed I wonder if this will be the day - when I either get it or it gets me.
Me with my headaches and stomach aches. My husband wondering how, why and what. He looks so well, yet I imagine the fear and confusion going on inside and I can't stop it. No matter how hard I say I love …

Dear George

I have just completed an extremely busy two weeks. Lots of programs on top of one another, lots of concerns over agendas, chairs, paint, speeches, bikes and what if someone gets lost?

I went to bed at 8pm. 8pm on a Friday night - oh my!

I was treated with a dream where I met George Clooney. I will not go into all the details, those are private. I will let you know that he did say "I always wondered what you were like. Now I know it's fat."

Yes, he said that. Quote unquote.


Joy in the Aisles

In Walmart, (should I advertise?) I found myself on a last minute shopping hunt:
3 boys bicycles NOT assembled
one white Tupperware bin
one Wizard of Oz poster
three plastic dust sheets

While I wait for the manager to see if the bikes are available, I find the Tupperware bin I need.
There follows my regular performance of getting them pried apart from one another.

It is like tugging a twenty dollar bill from a miser. Why, they pack them so tightly on those shelves I do not know!

I always end up having to pull the entire stack down. When you do that however, the plastic becomes static and because I was wearing a loose shirt, the fabric decides to stick to the Tupperware and rides deliciously up as I pull at the box.
I am now sweating and look like I am doing something obscene with the boxes.

A skinny lady approaches me with a rescue expression and asks where can she find the rubber thing she needs for her sink? I don't work here I groan from the midst of the six boxes determined to stay toge…

After The Graduation

Returned from The Graduation full of pride and anticipation to see what happens next.

Having witnessed now, two university graduations, I would love to include a speech from an unknown. Maybe a parent.

It is great to hear from someone successful, in this case it was Mayor Bloomburg. Isn't it easy though to give advice when you are succeeding with your plan?
What about the struggle from those who have not?

I get tired of hearing how school life is not the real world. It is real, for that moment, and I feel one of the most basic things that you learn is underestimated and quickly forgotten.

In school it is mandatory to study. It is accepted that this is a time to question, to try, to fail, to have fun, to grow.

You should not stop just because you folded your $90 robe away.

When I graduated I truly believed that I would succeed. I had no thought that I wouldn't. Without working on my self esteem and confidence I lost that feeling without being aware. Gradually I avoided situations to f…

Random Thought

Does anyone have a elephant gun with Valium that I may rent?
Not sure I would be allowed to travel with such an item though. Southwest only allows one bag, and that's not the sort of item I would like to try and hide.

How on earth do families travel with children?

Good news is I am learning about higher power. I was inspired recently by the weird visit from the Dali Lama on the Today show. So I have positive thoughts and a strong mantra containing bad language in my mind. Plus I have yet another new adventure in under garments called Higher Power. The recommending friend who wishes to remain nameless has promised that I will look good. If the recommending friend has this wrong, they will not remain nameless!

If one can see through the tension of this trip (graduation time!) the occasion is wonderful. Celebrating achievement, rewarding hard work and hours of endless study. Warmly and loudly saying "Well done and Good Luck."
I love moments when we can celebrate - everyone deser…

A long post regarding Casual

I really get bored and roll my eyes when people talk about weight issues.

So I am now bored and rolling my eyes at myself when I share with you, yet another under garment story.
If you are a male reader (Hi Jen's Dad) there is no need to continue reading.

Here is a fact, I love the hot weather. It would suit me a great deal better though if I were not my wonderfully round shape. Example: I am currently in danger of having kids jump on me at the beach thinking that I am poor whale who has come too far.

So, when being on the round styling of life, when one receives an invitation that sounds like this:
"Hey, we're having a barbecue, pop over, just a casual thing, we're not dressing up."
I hear:
"Hey, we're having delicious food that you should not eat, and we will be wearing shorts, it'll be great to see what you can wear."

Casual! Casual!

Casual to me means - track suit, over size t shirt, over size dress with slippers.

Casual to you slim folk equals - shor…

Anniversary Love

It was my wedding anniversary on the 12th, about 15 minutes ago.
All day I said we had been married for 8 years, and now I realize it has been 9 years!

Marriage is funny. I have nothing new or wise to say about it.

Friendship & laughter is key.

My husband has always made me laugh. When we first met, we spent a lively evening with friends where everyone would have won comedian of the year. It was the perfect night, where we were all relaxed, trusting and enjoying great company. If I were to write a list of my favorite moments, that evening would feature high.

Of the love in my life with family and friends, I always have laughter.

Lorna with BhindiBhindi, Elephant Man The Musical & Jesus was a carpenter.
Brenda with a black dress on backwards, bouncers birds & its a wide as its long.
Jen last week with a cat and a gas mask.
My brother with a cup of tea & a slice of cake.
My Mum & Dad for introducing laughter.

And, my husband. My wonderful brave David, this morning delivering a …

Somewhere over..........

I experienced a frazzled end of my work day today. It happens and it's natural, though I do not like when my frazziness shows!

I was driving home thinking/sulking/attempting forgetting and the sky was that amazing ink black where everything is highlighted from the sun.

I pulled out onto the main road, and there was a rainbow. Not just a faded bit ending nowhere. I saw an entire arch of a rainbow. It was a wonderfully colored gorgeous full rainbow with a start and an end somewhere near Brockton. I have never seen one before.

As a kid I hated the day when the science teacher explained a rainbow. I longed for a leprechaun to jump out from the equipment cupboard with a test tube of gold and scream not to listen to the buggers of science.

So as I drove, I rummaged for my camera. Sorry Oprah - I know you said not to pick up the cell phone, but cameras don't count. This was my AHA moment.

I could not find the camera, I found a banana in my bag instead. Who knew?

So I enjoyed that as I drov…

A Moving Monday

OK own up!

Who moved May 3rd to this coming Monday?

For at least a month it has been next Thursday in Jayne's world.

Can you imagine the shock that hit me when at 1pm today I realised May 3rd was only 5 days away and not 8 days?

In an event planners world, the number of days equal that to the way kids count the days in December.

What felt like semi organized shifted into semi panic. Semi panic in an event planners world is a smile instead of a grin and hair twisted into a french knot, instead of beautifully loose yet staying in perfect position.

On the surface you would never know an event planner was in semi panic mode - you need to look closely to discover the can of Red Bull being crunched inside their left cheek while Advil jumps around inside the right cheek.

Do not be fooled by the manicured nails. These are instruments of torture with a purpose. They keep the event planner alert as they drive such nails into their own palms while holding in the other hand the emergency solving pho…

just had to share

"Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity."

— T.S. Eliot

You have got to be kidding!

Miss me?

Well, I can see that you have all missed me from the many begging letters for more blogs!
(Don't you love sarcasm?)
Here is my update:

1) I am amazed by Spring. You leave your garden in the morning then return in the evening to see more plants reaching up to say hello. Tonight I actually wondered if someone had planted some as a surprise!

2) I flicked over to Biggest Loser in a commercial from American Idol - and yet in the two minutes I saw, I ended up in tears again!

3) Is it me, or do you think the backing singers are really bad on American Idol this season? Everything sounds old fashioned with their oohh ahhs. Contestants - you are better off without them.

4) I am cheering on my brother and his gorgeous wife as they attempt a wondrous change. I love, admire and miss seeing them both.

5) Just finished reading Little Bee by Chris Cleave. Brilliant, brilliant - get a copy!

6) Had a great joke about April 20th today - but I cannot share it. I won't - so don't ask me. I'm just …

Becoming Gabriel

Last night I had a dream that I had become the Arc Angel Gabriel. Is it Arc or Arch?

How weird is that! I didn't even eat cheese.

In the dream I was part of a seance that I did not want to attend. As soon as it started I floated up away from my chair toward the ceiling. I was pretty scared. Then a voice started to tell me that it was OK and not to be frightened. "This is a good thing, nothing bad" the voice told me.

This could mean three things:
1) I'm going to get religious.
2) I'm going mad.
3) I am going to watch Field of Dreams again.

I remember practicing flying round the room and discovering that slowly passing through human bodies created an ecstatic feeling for them as well as myself. For readers who are British, please insert a Syd James laugh at this point!
Now that I had great powers I wished that I would wake up without a headache, that my husband would be well and that we had won the greatest amount in history on the lottery and would be able to do ev…

Amazing ???

I love The Amazing Race.
On Sunday the teams were in France and they were instructed to find the statue of Joan of Arc.
One lady said "oh, that's the guy with all the animals."
Now, you just can't make that stuff up!

The other part that made me laugh was the weird mime guy they had at the final pit stop.
He had the white face but with red lips ala Rouge La Joker in Batman. When he bowed you could see the skin on the back of his neck. You would have thought in the land of Marcel Marceau, that they could have found a better mime! It was probably the camera man who pulled the shortest straw.

Still a great show.

Today I am tired of my negative spin. I feel Toxic, I think that's the word all the kids are saying. So, I'm going to drink only water today to have a cleanse - again, I think thats the word the trend is saying.

Mind you, I am gladI decided this after my cup of tea and large bowl of cherrios! I will let you know how I do!

Jaynes Newsletter

I just received a newsletter from a busy and successful author. I am so jealous, envious (pleased for her) mainly jealous, envious and did I say jealous?

It promotes her new book coming out, a book tour, a great give away to get more readers and then slips in the fact that she is half way through another novel.

So here is my newsletter.................

I'm half way through two novels - reading them.
I have nothing to give away to anyone - sorry!
I will be going on a book tour - through Barnes & Noble and Borders to get more jealous.
The End.

How's that? Do you feel inspired?

Funny how people get it right and others do not!


On the news this morning there was a wonderful story about a child recovering from a coma.
They had considered this to be a time to say goodbye and then the doctors suggested trying a new treatment and it worked! It worked so well, that the hope, indeed the plan is for a full recovery.

It's fantastic! The mother said, it is a miracle, it is down to God and all the prayers that people were saying.

I truly, truly wished she had also said, that it is down to funding and research that such cutting edge treatments can be discovered, tried and have an opportunity to succeed.

It is down to the incredible work of doctors, nurses, researchers who ask "what if we did this?" It is down to all the hours spent in a classroom and a lab. It is all the people who allow themselves in their journey to death to sign a form and say "yes, you can use me as a guinea pig on the chance of finding a cure."
It is down to the millions of people who organize and sign up for walks or runs or ba…

I love The Oscars

I love The Oscars - always have done and always will.

I used to watch as a kid, staying up till about 4am in England. At that time I imagined that by the age of 35 I would have received two Oscars. Barry Norman used to say about me..."well, if she is as good an actress as she is pretty, then we are very lucky...and, indeed, lucky we are!"
You have to be a Brit to understand that reference.

I am a big fan of Steve Martin and loved his entrance with Alec Baldwin. They were great together. You must see "It's Complicated". Meryl Streep with those two is like a coffee and a great do nut. Its like not only finding the extra fries at the bottom of a bag but discovering an onion ring in there as well. Its like finding the tener in your pocket that you forgot about. Just go see the movie!

I am very happy with all the Oscar results, though I found myself suddenly wanting Gabby (I can call her that on account of not knowing her correct name) to win. She was brilliant in that…

Thursdays Visitors

Thursdays stars said I would have visitors to my door.

These callers could include people in the sciences, or in the occult, or people who deal with money, such as bankers, investment counselors, or real estate brokers.

What a weird bunch that would be in my living room. A witch of the occult called Etnarina talking to Harold the insurance broker.

Nobody came to the door, and if the doorbell would have rung I would have turned off the lights and hidden on the floor.

I wish my stars could be a little more optimistic in their invitation for visitors. I may have felt more inspired to read that I could expect George Clooney and a man from the lottery board with a two million check for me.

Talking of George Clooney - if he was not who he was that name would conjure up a really skinny boring geek guy with a degree in acne and math. I'm just talking out loud!


My Dearest Concentration,

Why did you break up with me? I don't understand it.
What did I do wrong?
My fear is that I over worked you. Left you with far too many chores. I know I took you for granted and for that I will never forgive myself. That is possibly due to having you around for 40 odd years.

Please let me know we are only on a break. I cannot imagine living without you. The days feel longer without that focus and energy you so freely gave. My tasks sit in front of me, mocking me with their grand scale and nasty grins to match.

Yes I admit I cheated on you with food and too much coffee. Yes I admit that at times I put my success down to Red Bull. Now I am on my knees begging you, please my true love return.

Always -


Break The Rules

A good friend of mine writes a great newsletter. The recent addition talks about change.

I need a change, so today I have titled Break The Rules Day.

I am a fan of theme days, have often enjoyed them and seen the benefits. The Pink and Gold Theory developed from a theme day and that is pure art in motion. I may have already discussed Pink and Gold in a previous blog, if not, go visit with Brenda and she will tell you all about it.

My last theme days were interesting. One the other month was where I said YES to everything. I ended up with having to complete two proposals by the end of that day (adding to my work load dramatically) and agreed to being in a diet competition which I am losing badly at! (And of course not LOSING weight!)
I swear at some point in time I was at a hypnosis show and they put a spell on me to react by over eating when anyone says the word diet.

I had an Anna Wintour day this week, inspired from seeing the DVD of The September Issue. It was mildly effective. All dres…

Double Whammie

OK, this made me laugh and deserves to be shown in one blog.

On Thursday my stars said....

A passionate letter or phone call could come from a close friend or romantic partner. The person may be confused and rather tormented by his feelings, Jayne. Be kind and sensitive to him!

How exciting I thought! Then of course how disrespectful are my stars? Why does the passionate letter I receive have to be from someone who is confused and tormented!

What??? Do I no longer deserve the attention from someone whose thoughts become happier when they add my name?

Why I can't I be the receiver of a true passionate love letter? Remember those? The days of writing carefully and spraying perfume over the page. The times you practised your signature so that it looked inspiring and lustful at the same time. The days that you chose words such as desire, longing and my heart whispers your name with every beat.

So I spent the day, secretly hoping to receive an actual letter and yet fearing that if I did it …

Mondays Lack of reality

On Monday my stars said........

Today is a good day for meditation, Jayne.

Excuse me dear stars, its a work day. How can I do that? Some days I drive into work chanting "today is a great day!" I have an hours commute so that'salot of great day thoughts. I have the feeling though the stars mean more of an ooommmmmm, legs crossed, open palm meditation.

You have probably been trying to distract yourself from some unresolved issues through too much shopping or eating.

Sounds like a solution to me!

It would do you some good to get outside and connect with nature. Try taking a long walk in a park or forest.

It's freezing out there! I'm not walking anywhere.

You are much more likely to find perspective there than at the mall.

Perspective could be/should be a store full of free books, coffee and shoulder massages.
I'm just suggesting that may also be fun!

I love how my stars always have a kind of a mystic quality about them. The mention of distant lands, of long walks and d…

Superbowl Sunday - Go the Saints

On Sunday my Stars said..........

You may not be terribly impressed with the activity going on around you, Jayne, but this does not mean that you have to be miserable because of it. This is no time to sit back and let others take the lead. If you see something that you don't agree with, step up and make it known.

I do not understand sport at all - especially anything where running occurs. So thank you for the advice, but I did not feel it appropriate to phone up The Colts and tell them where they were going wrong.

I was excited for the Superbowl to be on - simply for the occasion, tradition and in the end to celebrate.

I love New Orleans. Arrived there years ago after a long and interesting Greyhound bus ride from Florida. I discovered the odd joy that is a Butterfinger during that trip. That sounds so wrong, but you know what I mean.

New Orleans is incredible. I cannot imagine facing anything like they went through and are still going through.

So my British congrats to New Orleans!


Saturdays - Popeye Discovery

On Saturday my stars said....

Good news from distant lands could find you feeling good about your life, eagerly anticipating the upcoming months. Your thinking is sharp and clear, Jayne, so this is a good day to make plans of any kind, particularly if they involve travel or education.

Emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, no, can't think of anything.
I'm not sure if I was thinking that clearly as I walked into the gym. Yes, you read correctly I walked into the gym. I am not going to elaborate, so don't ask!

Anyway I was walking, holding on for dear life, eyes trying to avoid the food network (why do they do that in a gym?? It is severe punishment.) I was walking between ESPN, a weird channel with pirates on it and the movie Jerry Maguire. As Tom Cruise made out with whats her name, I discovered I was the only person "working out" who could not stop yawning.

Another thing I noticed was Popeye's grandson. I watched him lift a few weights for a minute and then walk around for at lea…

Closer to Hawaii

Saturdays stars said this...

Something may be working to get your dander rising today, Jayne. Hot tempers and strong opinions are being voiced right and left. Go with the flow and try to see the big picture.

These stars were wrong for me, I'm glad to report. I do like the term "get your dander rising."
It's a shame that it has a negative meaning because it should mean something fun and silly.
Like a belly laugh that begins with a giggle or a night out with friends that you do not want to go to and yet it's that night that you meet an attractive man with a Mercedes and stocks in Red Door spas. (Come on I'm dreaming!)

Anyway, my note here is a funny thing about my longing to go to Hawaii.

I had dinner on Saturday at a restaurant that is now featured on my favorite restaurant list.
Roy's in Bonita Springs Florida. Oh my goodness what a fabulous place. The food was as great as the service. The atmosphere was busy and fun, yet you felt like you were the only ones get…

The self indulgent Tuesday blog

Tuesdays stars said

A long-awaited vacation, or even a move you've been hoping to make, could finally be made possible today, Jayne.

I have been waiting for a vacation for about 6 years. I have had time off and should not complain. It was great to have Mum here for the Christmas and New Year. I would not exchange that for anything.
I am talking about the type of beach vacation though - I have not had one of those in years AND for the record have only had one week in FL with my husband, ever!

I want to lay on a beach with my husband in Hawaii. I would even get up and swim and walk and read and snooze and smile and dance and do all those things they do on the "Sandals" commercials. I would even look good wearing white linen trousers with hair that is suddenly blond. I would even lay in a hammock, my fear of falling is not a good match for hammocks - yet in Hawaii - surely a fear of anything would not exsist?

My stars continue to say...
Before you go, however........

Please note…