Saturday, October 10, 2009

Tuesdays Praise for Charles

Tuesday's stars said this.....

Remind your loved ones how much they mean to you today, Jayne. Words are especially meaningful and powerful today so don't use them lightly.

I am so lucky to have many I love. If I were to receive an Oscar, I would be dragged off the stage still thanking people I love.

Top of that list is my Mum and Dad.

I miss my Dad terribly. He passed away on December 16th 1993 at ten minutes past nine in the evening. He was sixty. A young sixty.

I miss all of the things that we shared and all of the things that we did not get to share.
His face smiles at me right now from a photograph sitting to the left of me. It was his movie star image days. Incredibly handsome with a smile that is kind of cheeky with pale blue eyes that glow trust.

When asked, if you could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive - my answer is my Dad. I know so much about him and yet so little. He was at times a power house. He made things happen. My brother & I called him The Whistler, because he knew everything. Doesn't really make sense, yet it does to us. We also called him Jim, after Jimmney Cricket.

He had an amazing love for theater, movies and laughter. We would always go backstage after a musical or a play to collect autographs. He knew, with a casual wink, how to get passed the stage door keeper and into the dressing rooms. People thought he was "someone", he had that air of confidence.

I had dreams of buying my Dad an old fashioned type of truck that he had always admired. His name beautifully painted on the side. I had hopes of being the one to take them both on fun holidays and treating them, as they did for me. I am so sad that I achieved none of those things. My Dad loved the holidays!

I always think of him when I get on a plane. He always travelled wearing a shirt and tie.
I remember him when I'm on a beach in the sun - when he bought a self tanning lotion by mistake instead of sun protection resulting in an over darkened basically baked version of Dad.
I remember laughing so hard at his impression of Michael Jackson doing the moon walk. I remember he loved blue shirts and his wonderful long mac that made him look like a television detective. The special deals and treats he would bring home from the market and the time he thought we were all being kidnapped in a taxi cab in Rome!

Life did not play fair with my Mum and Dad. They worked hard, loved hard and fought politely to get something out of life. They achieved alot and had alot more taken from them. My amazing loving Mum, misses him fiercly every day. Alone is a word that screams.

I am lucky to be an adult who knows how much I love my parents and had time to tell them so. Yet I am still a little girl who cries through the memories, and says "Wish You Were Here Dad!"

Favorite Song of The Day: Say Hey (I Love You) by Michael Franti & Spearhead
Favorite Food of The Day: Popcorn

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Thursday from Locker 803

Today's posting is slightly different as I was on a mini vacation.
So, it's kind of like the television show that does a holiday special and ventures out from it's regular appearance.

PLUS - my stars for this day were absolutely spot on. I followed their advice without reading them, as I did not see them until a day later. What's more, the thing I did, that I can not mention, turned out to be the right thing, even though it were a different form of action for me. A true learning moment - wish I could share with you - but this is not the psycho office!

During my mini vacation, I was extremely fortunate to find myself as a gift card receiver for a day at a spa. 8am to 5pm including three special treatments and all the exercise classes I could fit in. If you know me, you are already laughing!

I did push myself and experienced two classes. Amazing for a body that does not remain standing for more than ten minutes at a time . I stretched and stretched, in the hope that the fat did not bounce back. It felt great, but it did bounce back.

I loved a dance class called Nia, led by Diana whose warmth filled the room, as my frame filled the mirror. (There were far too many mirrors for my liking). The CD went wrong at one point, and as she battled with its karma, I remarked to someone how much I was enjoying the class. I actually got told of for talking! Slightly embarrassing, but it was explained how internal this class was and how chatter would disrupt our experience. Sorry, I did not know!

It made me notice however, that my internal chatter is permanently having a tormenting tea party. My mind does not shut up, and it's full of rubbish for the most part. Does everyone have this?

I found myself with a constant monologue on what I was doing and what I was doing next. Did I have the time right? What should I wear for the massage? What shouldn't I wear? Am I the largest person here? Pretend I'm a famous novelist and people like me. Do I go into the whirlpool with my bathing costume on? Am I using too many towels? What if the sauna door gets stuck and nobody knows I'm here. Can the lady doing my massage read my mind? Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

No wonder I'm not very good with small talk at parties, as I'm bloody exhausted entertaining myself.

This is funny too. I was walking from one class to the waiting area when someone with the look of "I know what your dreams mean" offered me a deck of cards and asked if I would choose my animal card for the week. Pick a card, any card!

I pick a frog which she explains means to de-clutter the mind. Instant tears from me, as I say I was just thinking that! She then offers to read my astrology chart and do I know anything about horoscopes? Immediate guilt sits on my left shoulder and laughs. I shake my head no, while the guilt fox sneers "have you read her blog?"

Then my inner chatter goes on and on about who do I think I am about the relevance of this blog! Mind you, she was also going on about science versus spiritual power and how we as humans can make it rain. Interesting.

I can see why people do these spa excursions. Its really beneficial to switch off and just take care. If you can ignore the expense and get used to people who ask what protein would you like for lunch, and accept terms such as tuning your vibrations with therapeutic adaptations, you can really come away with something new. I now know for example, that vinyassa yoga is not number 31 on a menu.

I cried quite a few times during the day. Just to focus on myself was strange and I recognized how much I need that and how much I am frightened of that.

I saw two women there who made me think. One looked stunning. She made her plastic surgery look good. Obviously a great advertisement for an "after my time at the spa" picture. I then hear her say that she has just arrived and this time she's only here until the 5th. That meant five full days of this living. I was overwhelmed with my one day and can not imagine thinking that five days could be titled as only five days.

The other woman was older, natural and physically showing that she was a breast cancer survivor. I was ashamed, am ashamed, how I allow my thoughts to put myself down and how much I take for granted this body. It was a very big learning lesson for me.

I loved my day and appreciated the gift far more than I can explain. There is a workshop titled Grounded Gratitude, I know I do not have to take it.

Favorite Food of the Day: Ribs in a restaurant called Rouge
Favorite Song of the Day: You're my everything by Barry White