Monday, September 14, 2009

Mondays Zumba

Monday's stars say this:

You may be called on to be a hostess in your own home, Jayne. Perhaps one of your bridge partners has canceled on you and all of a sudden card night must be moved to your house.

Excuse me!!!! One of my bridge partners??? A sudden card night at my house!!!!
OK, seriously, dear horoscope, are your stars not aligning? Is your planet in the fourth house of rising loony tunes, or something of that nature!

You really have me wrong if you think I have bridge partners. I don't even know what that is. Last time I played cards - it was snap, when I was about five. Besides, don't you remember how hard I work? Who has time for bridge?

My stars continue to say:

At first this feels like a panic situation because you don't think your house is clean enough.

Again, funny!

Don't worry; it is probably impeccable.

Well, thank you stars, now you speak the truth!

You are the only one who will notice the one-inch patch of dirt in the corner of your entryway, so don't sweat it.

What do you mean with the talk of a one inch patch of dirt in my entryway? That's meant to be there. It came with the house. Maybe instead of playing bridge, I should clean it up!!!!

I know somewhere in the world there is a Virgo who loves bridge, who is on the phone right now
saying: "Martha, please don't do this to me. We can't play round here tonight I haven't had the swiffer mopper out for hours!"

For me, I want something livelier than bridge. I'm back again thinking about Zumba classes.

I listen to salsa music and imagine myself dancing away with this amazing dress that swings around. I'm on Dancing With The Stars, because of course I'm a famous writer, and I'm in the finale. It appears when I'm famous that I'm slimmer, younger and taller.

Then I get out of my car, do nut crumbs falling, and feel my belly dance of a walk to my office.
By the time I'm at my desk, just one minute walk, I'm happy to sit down again. Now that's just not right!

I google and find Zumba classes run by names like Bethy, Shelly and Tiffany. It seems that qualifications include having a bright, bouncy name as well as shiny hair, lots of tight black lycra and lots of dazzling teeth.

One class is down the road from my office, it doesn't start till 8pm. Bonus could be all the extra work I could get done while waiting for class and by the time I got home, it would be bedtime. No time to eat - great. No time to watch TV - that's no good!

Next class starts half way between my office and home. Would mean I had to leave a little earlier one day a week - instant pressure rings Latino bells in my ears.

There's a class in my hometown that starts at 6am. STARTS at 6am! Just me moving at 5am to get up is a Zumba class in itself.

Then I find the perfect match.

Saturday mornings at ten. In the same town that I live. Ten minutes walk for most - thirty minutes walk for me. Ten am means I could still lay in for a bit. It's the cheapest class I found too. It's perfect, I should do it. I could start this week end. Looks too good to be true. I don't trust it, better do more research.

Do you think I'm avoiding? How do you play bridge anyway?

Favorite Food of the Day: Cheerios
Favorite Song of the Day: I Know You Want Me by Pitbull

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Saturdays - Dishes and Memories

Saturdays stars say this:

You may become rather nostalgic, Jayne, as you look through old photo albums, rearrange dishes and furniture, and remember what life was like "way back when."

Now, wait a minute! "Way back when?" How old do my stars think I am? Surely they know. It's my horoscope!

Makes me sound like I'm living on Waltons mountain. Me, rearrange dishes and furniture? That didn't even happen when we moved!

Anyway, why would you rearrange dishes and think of old times? I'm pretty certain most of us rearrange dishes while planning everything else on our to do list or while considering if we could use paper plates more often.

I rearrange furniture when looking for money, that's true. I very, very, very rarely push a sofa to the other side of the room and think about when I got cast in the school play, or when I pulled all the feathers out of my brothers Indian headdress. Note to reader, the Indian headdress was a costume - my brother was not a real Red Indian. Though he cried like it was a real when he saw all those feathers!

Stars continue to say:

Old feelings that you thought were gone are welling up to the surface, and may bring tears to your eyes.

I'm really sorry I pulled all those feathers out! I don't remember why I did it. Can I buy you a new one? Is it too late? I'm not crying, it's allergies!

I don't want old feelings!!!!!!!!

Honestly face these feelings now instead of stuffing them back down inside you for another ten or twenty years.

NO! AND again I question - how old do my stars think I am! If I have been already stuffing these feelings down for ten or twenty years, that makes me a mess pretty much from day one. Maybe they have a point! Let me move rearrange some dishes and think about this.


Favorite Food of the Day: Corn on the Cob
Favorite Song of the Day: Title theme music from Kramer Vs Kramer - the duel guitar piece. I know it's classical but I don't know what its called and a recent virus on my computer leaves me reluctant to do any research. Anyway, its really good.

Thursday's Thoughts Have Far To Go

On Thursday my stars said:

Expect a lot of activity to take place in your home today, Jayne. You could well become caught up in the energy generated, which could put you in touch with a new awareness of your feelings about yourself.

There is alot of activity in the house with paint pots, rollers, brushes and such instruments that turn just a room into a "ooohhh wow that's a beautiful room! Quick call Homes and Gardens!"

The dear cat is confused, frightened and hopeful that his litter box will get a make over. He dashes around interested and scared continually. As indeed, does my mind, as I ponder between new curtains or blinds, new curtains or blinds?

In my stars it mentions an awareness of my feelings about myself. Emmmmm. Not sure I want, yet another new awareness of feelings. Sometimes, I would prefer that I knew little about my true self. Sometimes, I hope that my true, true self is far better than I imagine. That all the National Enquirer stories I have been led to believe about her, are mindless, fabricated gossip. Sometimes, I think, I think too much. Most of the time I feel too much.

When I was a little girl hovering over the edge of becoming a young girl in the double digits, I remember choosing to put all my dolls and soft toys away. I wanted space for books and music. So, in the cupboard they went, placed carefully so as not to squash one another.

That night I cried because I thought they were crying. So sad that now they were placed in the cupboard, behind closed doors. They hadn't done anything wrong, why were they being punished? Morning had not arrived, before I had taken them all out again, whispering them a sorry and providing an extra hug.

The subject matter may have changed, the feelings have not. I have wonderment about many things. Sometimes this is a glorious attribute and at others it is time consuming and draining.

Unlike toys, I cannot place my emotions behind closed doors. They have the power to push them open again by themselves.

My stars ended with:
Expect vivid dreams of travel, strange places, or flying.

Favorite food of the day: One oreo cookie
Favorite song of the day: Wild is the Wind - David Bowie