Monday's stars say this:
You may be called on to be a hostess in your own home, Jayne. Perhaps one of your bridge partners has canceled on you and all of a sudden card night must be moved to your house.
Excuse me!!!! One of my bridge partners??? A sudden card night at my house!!!!
OK, seriously, dear horoscope, are your stars not aligning? Is your planet in the fourth house of rising loony tunes, or something of that nature!
You really have me wrong if you think I have bridge partners. I don't even know what that is. Last time I played cards - it was snap, when I was about five. Besides, don't you remember how hard I work? Who has time for bridge?
My stars continue to say:
At first this feels like a panic situation because you don't think your house is clean enough.
Don't worry; it is probably impeccable.
Well, thank you stars, now you speak the truth!
You are the only one who will notice the one-inch patch of dirt in the corner of your entryway, so don't sweat it.
What do you mean with the talk of a one inch patch of dirt in my entryway? That's meant to be there. It came with the house. Maybe instead of playing bridge, I should clean it up!!!!
I know somewhere in the world there is a Virgo who loves bridge, who is on the phone right now
saying: "Martha, please don't do this to me. We can't play round here tonight I haven't had the swiffer mopper out for hours!"
For me, I want something livelier than bridge. I'm back again thinking about Zumba classes.
I listen to salsa music and imagine myself dancing away with this amazing dress that swings around. I'm on Dancing With The Stars, because of course I'm a famous writer, and I'm in the finale. It appears when I'm famous that I'm slimmer, younger and taller.
Then I get out of my car, do nut crumbs falling, and feel my belly dance of a walk to my office.
By the time I'm at my desk, just one minute walk, I'm happy to sit down again. Now that's just not right!
I google and find Zumba classes run by names like Bethy, Shelly and Tiffany. It seems that qualifications include having a bright, bouncy name as well as shiny hair, lots of tight black lycra and lots of dazzling teeth.
One class is down the road from my office, it doesn't start till 8pm. Bonus could be all the extra work I could get done while waiting for class and by the time I got home, it would be bedtime. No time to eat - great. No time to watch TV - that's no good!
Next class starts half way between my office and home. Would mean I had to leave a little earlier one day a week - instant pressure rings Latino bells in my ears.
There's a class in my hometown that starts at 6am. STARTS at 6am! Just me moving at 5am to get up is a Zumba class in itself.
Then I find the perfect match.
Saturday mornings at ten. In the same town that I live. Ten minutes walk for most - thirty minutes walk for me. Ten am means I could still lay in for a bit. It's the cheapest class I found too. It's perfect, I should do it. I could start this week end. Looks too good to be true. I don't trust it, better do more research.
Do you think I'm avoiding? How do you play bridge anyway?
Favorite Food of the Day: Cheerios
Favorite Song of the Day: I Know You Want Me by Pitbull