Saturday, April 14, 2018

Loud Stuff & Cookies at an Airport

This week while waiting at an airport gate in Washington DC, I suddenly saw something leap in front of me and I screamed. Screamed like a child. No, I screamed as loud as a 51 year old adult can scream. There was I, sitting, early morning, eating my breakfast, I did not expect this.

A small bird had jumped out from the chair opposite to practically land at my feet, to beg for the cookie I was consuming. I screamed, the bird screamed, then shrugged its shoulders in disappointment (or sarcasm) and flew off.

Embarrassment arrived as I lifted my head expecting to be surrounded by armed security while everyone else would be laying on the floor. I would be arrested, green card taken and wearing orange before my flight had pulled in.

I looked around. The young girl opposite me said bless you, thinking I had sneezed, while the other said "Yeah fuck, I thought that was a rat."
Everything had stopped for me and yet only two people and a tiny bird noticed.

Isn't it funny from our own prospective of how we view situations? How most things are so important, noisy and busy while no one else is paying attention. How loud we think we are or how quiet we think we are.

At another gate the day before two men were talking. Actually, let me say one was talking while the other had to listen. He was demonstrating his male dominance about a work story that featured pornography suddenly appearing on a computer screen. It was sexist, loud and boring and the two ears that had to listen (others at the terminal had no choice) nodded patiently. At the end of the story the man declared "I'm going to write a book." I could literally feel the sigh of everyone say "dear God don't bother."

On the other side of this coin, I recently worked with an incredible woman and could see how those around her were so busy attempting to keep up with her energy, they could not actually assist her. In her need to achieve her mission, she had forgotten to give basic instructions and there was a frenzied flurry where she had to complete most of the tasks herself.
In order to do something, you cannot do everything, I wanted to whisper to her. But who am I?

The sad days arrive when we think we are being noticed, or belong, or cared for and we are simply are not. When we believe we ourselves are noticing, caring for and making those around us feel they belong, while we are not.

I am bewildered at how we run and race and do so alone, while others huff and puff believing that the world is paying attention. Houses are to be built, not blown away. We are worth so much more than that.

As I boarded that flight, I was thinking, about the word 'together'. I feel it means to gather strength, love, and to gather happiness. I fancy some of that.
I should have shared that cookie, I thought. We all should.




Monday, March 19, 2018

Triple A & David Bowie

Last week, I had a conversation with my triple A man, aged 27 years - "I'm 28 on Sunday" he boasted as he fixed a new car battery.
He then asked me if I liked sports.
Then he asked me if I liked shopping. (I like shopping about as much as I like sports.)
Then he asked what music do you like?
"Well my absolute favorite is David Bowie" I replied.
"Oh" he says "Is he like Michael Buble?"

No, dear sweet, young triple A man - David Bowie is nothing like Michael Buble.

Throughout my life, the incredible music of Bowie has been my partner.
In moods, dance, inspiration, spirits, love, love making, ambition and work.
He is part of some of my favorite memories involving my brother, both of us screaming from a balcony in London as Bowie simply walked onto the stage and began to sing.
(Another terrifying memory was when my brother told me he too was an alien and could pull his face off, after we had watched The Man who Fell to Earth.)
A previous boss & friend of mine communicates a need for help with a Bowie phrase.
I use it constantly to write. I use it to change my mood, to boost my confidence, to simply move.
My connections are deep and wide. That's what we create when we find our musical heroes.

I miss David Bowie. The day he died, my brother and I could not talk.
I thought - no I'm OK, with the experience that I have been through, I'll be fine. I wasn't and seeing his face, and many faces, flash on the breakfast news was too much.

When a hero dies, whom we have never met, it does something to us. It's that bleak reminder, again, that none of us get out of this alive. That we are vulnerable, that there is a ticking clock.
The possibility to meet a hero, to thank them, to have eyes meet, is now over. The anticipation when you get the concert tickets, or hear that there is a new album. The idea that you might just bump into them as you walk through New York City. It all ends when you hear they died. I wonder if it is just another piece of your hope that dies? Especially if they've been a hero since your childhood. It's another recognition that there is no Santa, Disneyland is expensive and easy diets do not exist.

So, thank you young triple A man for at last giving me the boost to post this blog with my humble thank you to my David Bowie.
Plus, what a joy, to find that now, I join the older people bracket and can honestly say - nobody writes music like that anymore.


I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test





Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Blissful Love on Valentines Day

I love Valentines Day, of course I do!
I found this poem in a book of anonymous writings and wanted to share.
Enjoy your day, always turn to love and never take it for granted x


TO SEEK A BLISSFUL LOVE
Is the real truth found within that moment
When you think
Could we be? Did we just....
Move slowly, or quickly into blissful intimacy.
Quiet time together
Longing for touch that lingers only
One breath away.

That gaze between lovers
Of years or just moments.
Trust into passion
And jumping back again.
Conversation and wine
Tea and toast.
That tumble of choices and kisses
Of ideas, of words and song.

I am fortunate to have embraced it all
Yet remain desiring for more.
As much as my life is full
With sun and glorious moon,
My heart beats for me and for another
Always to join.

Please bring that reaching hand,
With mind, soul and heart,
That, like mine
Gazes and whispers yes.
Finding the real truth within that moment
When you think, when we think
Could we be? Did we just....



Thursday, February 1, 2018

Like Water Keep Moving

After a work trip away this week, I had a long journey back home which included a matrix of logistics that had my brain needing to think step by step, and, I will admit, my soul was heavy and complicated with new emotions and feelings that deserved attention.

As I drive, I relax and go with the rise and fall of my feelings. I feel the strength and the tears, the empowerment and the loss and I attempt to pay no attention to any of them, I need to just let them flow in and flow out.  Welcome them, see them, then let them go. Like water is in constant movement - I need to do the same. Trusting that what is true and healthy for me, will eventually settle.

The miles and hours pass, the various drop off and collection points happen. Stairs, boxes, petrol, airport, return rental car, call a Lyft driver, blah blah blah. I even notice the emptiness of the moving walkway at the airport and what it conjures for me inside. How my brain lingers on the loneliness and not the moving forward.

I'm finally at my last leg that will get me home and at that point - I am stopped in my tracks. My car has a flat battery and the occurrence of that had nothing to do with me. Not my fault.  An unintentional mistake by somebody else. A flat battery. Just at the point where I said, look at all of that I did carefully and simply, now I get to rest and let go. A dead battery gives me another thing to solve.
I can hear Alanis Morissette singing "Isn't that ironic, don't you think.?"

I had lead a wonderful workshop earlier that day, to set off a year of coaching and leadership to a determined group of people. One of their major concerns is how to keep the momentum going, and as I suggested the only way to do that is to simply make all of this good, healthy thinking a habit. Things can happen with thought, but, action is also required. Yes its hard work, and the brain tells us how challenging it all is - when truthfully we just need to breathe and keep moving. When we have that privilege we need to use it.

So, here's my point. There will be times we feel we have stopped. There will be times that we must slow down, as indeed there are times for the opposite, to rush, giddily forward and leap. All of it is always, absolutely always moving. We can't be afraid of that, actually we could gain hope from that. The classic saying of this too shall pass. And so it always does.

I watch the river flowing
An ocean gushing, swaying, pounding
Or as silk and settled
Even then it stirs.
Is it doing it because of the pull of gravity?
Or through pure magic unseen, unknown?

Like water is in constant movement - we need to do the same.

Happy February everyone & much love.

Monday, January 15, 2018

Inspired by

It is at times easier to sit in bitterness and hold onto regret and anger.
There is a fear in letting go. There is a fear in being an open heart.
What if I love again? What if it is mistreated, again.
What if I'm used, again? What if I'm lied to, again? What if I lose, again?

And what if I don't?
What if someone pays attention, spends time and opens with you? With me.
What if they don't just talk at you, but they take time to ask, to listen, to share?
Will we be brave enough to answer? Will we know what we want to say?

To base a life upon lies, denial, sadness is to limit our true expression and what I believe to be our honest soul.

I admire leaders (known and unknown) who keep stepping forward. It is not moving on,
it is moving toward.To turn all we learn into a positive strength.

As I pay respect to Martin Luther King today - I know I personally still have a dream,
and am fortunate and grateful for everything that supports me.For those of us lucky enough to be in that position, it is our responsibility to achieve all we can, in small and large ways.Who wouldn't want to share that gift?

There is power in silence while looking honestly into someones eyes.
There is power, strength, intelligence and sheer joy in love.
I know my truth and I long to share it. That act in itself is my courageous purpose.
I want that in my life.

I am inspired today by a man who did that. This is my truth, my freedom.





Saturday, December 30, 2017

It's Nearly Here - Happy 2018

Wishing everyone the very best of what they desire, need and deserve in 2018.
May the lessons of this year be worth the joy, the tears and the silence they brought.

For me it was a year I title: in sickness and in health. Through it all I loved.
Loved my family and friends as they faced difficulties, tragedy, happiness and success.
I saw courage, true grit and determination. I heard wise, wise words. I experienced comfort, sadness, loss, happiness, laughter and perfect timing.
Good byes that were said quietly, those that were not said yet felt and hellos that arrived as unexpected surprises and glorious opportunities.
Respect and disrespect. Creative inspiration and passion. Intelligence, ignorance and patience.

I hid a lot. I traveled. I laughed a lot. I wrote, blimey, did I write! I pushed through comfort zones in so many ways, and none of that I did alone. My strength and my vulnerability are because of the true friendships in my life that gave unconditional support throughout AND my divine faith in eternal existence and love.

There is always love. I felt its presence and its lack, and how lucky am I.
Incredibly lucky and grateful to those who are really with me, and you know who you are.

No fear. No holding back. Be honest. Listen and dare to grow, dream, reach.
Its time to take everything we learnt this year and use it to fire us into the New Year.

A wise, bold heart once wrote :
Love is like going to a well, for drinking, for wishing, for nourishing of heart and soul.

I get it and I'm at the well!

For when it arrives - Happy New Year everyone.
And so it goes.





Thursday, December 21, 2017

The Cell Phone

For those of you who know me well, you are aware of my lack of confidence/desire/need/want/ambition/delight in talking on the telephone. A dear friend of mine reveled in the fact of our fourteen year friendship where only today I said sure you can call me.

I am an addicted text reader and sender. A person in awe that one receives emails via a cell phone.  You can even look at Facebook! My cell phone is my confidant, partner in love and crime, a photographer, journalist, event planner, navigator and sometimes a musical delight of connection or a silent zombie of disconnection.

There is a great sense of competition for who is having a deeper relationship with their phone. Who knows every app, icon, button, and how do you actually read text messages while talking? Who can text faster? I'm pretty good, though my admitted failing is in the lack of abbreviation skills and what on earth those little faces mean. Maybe now too, I judge myself and others on how much we look at our phones. When has it become a grand gesture that you are out with someone (perhaps a man) and they are not checking their phone constantly? Big bonus points for that one, like opening a car door, yes sorry but that still gets a swoon from me.

The other day my phone was on vibrate, facing down on the table in another room while I was having personal conversation with a brand new friend. I hear my phone vibrating and I think that sounds just like someone passing gas, and then I go into a complete mind journey of "oh no I hope they don't think that's me." Should I say, listen to my phone making that noise? Then chances are that it doesn't happen and then it appears as though I were blaming something else when really it was me!! It's as though  "that was my phone" has now replaced "that was the dog." Wow, I must have thought about that situation in a sudden downward spiral for at least ten minutes. Such is my comical mind at times.

Lastly, and importantly, yesterday I was driving while reading a text. I looked up and right in front of me, side ways, was a bright yellow school bus, turning into the road on the right. It didn't even look real. I slammed on my brakes. It was like one of those carnival rides you used to take on rickety rails in the dark, that suddenly showed large signs of not this way.
All was OK, and it was five minutes later that I could accept how scary that actually was and how close I was. It was completely my fault.

Now the actual text message was fantastic, however, I think I was one moment from making such a mess, that I may not have ever been able to reply.
 SO -  I always like to try and add an inspiration or new thought to these blog posts and I believe this message is loud and clear. I know many of my dearest friends are like me, and say - yes but I'm really careful. Well, let's be really careful.
I am not that important that a text or email cannot wait AND I AM THAT IMPORTANT that it can wait.

Perhaps John Lennon would say:

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. 
Or when you're checking your cell phone.
A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.

Sending my love for this holiday season. May we all find joy & peace in our hearts.
Always
Jayne xxx